Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Dear Japan - An Open Letter Regarding Gender Inequality Within Gargantuan Humanoid Weapons Based Warfare

Dear Japan,

Please stop it with cocks in giant robots.

As a fan of the popular video game series, Super Robot Wars, I have come to an understanding that the humongous mecha genre is ultimately a male dominated genre, and it is within reason to expect that the majority of characters featured in Super Robot Wars would be male.

That said, I really could use a party that is less of a sausage fest.

Most giant robot shows feature male main characters, and main characters are generally the strongest character of the series they represent whenever they appear in Super Robot Wars, this is understandeble. The problem however, lies in the fact that with all these male leads being the stronger characters, my SRW parties generally end up looking like a fangirl's harem.

Now this would be nice if I were a fangirl, but as it would seem, I am not.

So please, please, please make a few more mecha series with a female protaganist. Dancouga Nova is the only one I can think of that was made in the past few years, and a single 12 episode series is nowhere near enough to bridge the gap.

Now I'm not insisting on a 50/50 ratio, I can live with a majority of mecha shows with male heroes. That said however, I would like a little more then a single pair of tits for every 20 dicks shoved in my face.

A visual representation of the current gender makeup of my Super Robot Wars a2 team. Only this time, Haruhi's a guy.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Super Politically Correct Rant About Homosexuality and Religion Special!!!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog post for a special rant:

A few days ago, I was looking round Youtube for videos of the pc game Mass Effect. Having become rather bored with the game itself, I decided to just watch a couple of the major story cutscenes to get an idea of what happens in the end.

It was during this when I happened across a video of the infamous trans-species lesbian sex scene. Now being a romantic, I celebrate love in all it's forms; particularly when it's between two incredibly hot women.

Sadly however, my approval was not universally shared, as a few disgruntled individuals were vehemently posting comments about the, "immorality", "depravity" and "unnaturality" of lesbian sex.

And whilst I do not mean to stereotype, essentially all of these posters cited their disapproval based on religious grounds.

Whilst I obviously can't agree with their position, I won't begrudge them for obsessively obeying the laws of whatever fictional sky god they spend their time talking to. As a practicing Catholic, I am all too familiar with following silly, archaic rules and constantly apologizing for being human.

That said however, let's face facts; if you're male, and you disapprove of hot lesbian sex, you're not religious, you're just gay.

Image taken from Gelbooru

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Isshoni Training - Fitness, Otaku Style

As some of you all might know, Primastea is releasing a dvd that will attempt to do what was once thought impossible; getting otaku to exercise.

The video, called Isshoni Training, features 16 year old Hinako; a big-titted girl who incongruously enjoys both anime and fitness.

Even more mind bogglingly, is the official description of Hinako, who whilst, "originally a human, was turned into an anime character during junior high 2nd year."


If anyone could explain to me what the fuck that's meant to mean, I'll be eternally grateful.

Anyway, the video features a 30 day basic fitness program with Hinako, in a variety of slutty costumes, leading the audience in various exercises.

So would this be something you might consider forking cash out for (for girls, assume there's an equivalent video with a well hung dude)? And if so, for what purpose?

Personally, I'd buy it. But only because I want them sweaty tits.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

K-On! First Impressions

Now I know I'm probably going to be crucified for this, but I'm going to say it anyway; I really don't like K-On!. I don't hate it the way I hated Lucky Star, but moe shit really doesn't do much more then annoy me, and K-On! is no different.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter.


Don't expect anything deep or meaningful here, it's just about a bunch of girls in the school music club, and their day to day interactions. Given how K-On! is essentially a slice of life comedy, that's fair enough.

The girls who leapt through time.

The story revolves around Yui, a special needs child, who in a tragic case of irony, is an essential member of the school music club, as without her, the club would have an insufficient number of members and would be thus forced to close down.

Truly, Yui is the greatest mind of her generation.

What follows are the trials and tribulations of the three other members who are actually competent, and their ever vain endeavors of teaching Yui how to play the guitar. A task made ever more insurmountable given the fact that Yui's musical talents rival her prodigious intellect.

Tsumugi, upon meeting Yui.


Yui Hirasawa
The main character. Suffers from mild mental retardation; a possible first for lead characters in anime. The band's guitar player...technically. Is meant to be the moe moe character due to her airheaded personality, but in a cruel case of life imitating art, Mio appears to be perceived as moe by the general audience, thus proving Yui truly can't get anything right.

Not even Johannes Krauser wants to rape that.

Mio Akiyama
The apparent popular favourite amongst viewers, Mio is the traditional ideal Japanese woman; shy, humble and kind; traits that really do nothing but annoy the shit out of me. Anyway, she plays bass and is generally the straight man, in contrast to her friends' wacky antics. Also, expect many, many doujins to be released featuring her.

How much blander could a single person be!? God!

This picture encapsulates the entirety of Mio's relationship with Ritsu.

Ritsu Tainaka
The band's drummer, Ritsu generally provides the slapstick comedy relief. However, she seems to hide a darker personality, given her propensity to lie and manipulate in order to get what she wants, as evidenced in her recruitment of Tsumugi in episode 1. Because of her amorality, she is far and away my favourite character.

Ritsu has had enough of your shit!

We lie, we cheat, we steal!

Tsumugi Kotobuki
The pianist and token rich girl. She seems to be woefully ignorant of the outside world, leading one to ponder what kind of depraved childhood she must have endured. She generally buys the friendship of others with cake.

Tsumugi making friends the only way she knows how.


Look, it's KyoAni, the people behind Haruhi Suzumiya, what do you expect but top quality shit?

Sadly, no amount of money could afford Tsumugi new eyebrows.

So yeah, it's typical KyoAni obsessive attention to detail, fluid animation, and muted yet somehow vibrant colours.

The fuck? Since when did we move from K-On! to The Shining?

Personally though, I preferred the more serious animation of Haruhi Suzumiya. In contrast, K-On! is more cartoony, with movements sometimes resembling Western Saturday morning cartoons, as well as liberal use of chibis and funny looking faces.

Yui's mere presence is soul crushing.

To be fair however, it suits the general feel of K-On!, it's just not my cup of tea.

Even as a child, Yui had difficulty with even the most basic of concepts. Such as standing straight.

One weird thing that I haven't been able to wrap my finger around though, is that feet are drawn really small. I mean, they are really fucking small! You don't notice it too much, but when you do, it's fucking creepy!

Look at Yui's feet. Seriously, how the fuck do they support the rest of her body?


Look, I don't like K-On!. That should be pretty obvious. However, it's fucking popular as it is, so it's obviously hitting the right notes with quite a few people.

Here. Another Mio picture for the fans to wank over.

I guess if you're into moe and all that shit, K-On! might appeal to you. Personally, it's never really been my scene.

If you're too lazy to read the whole post, just look at this picture. It's K-On! in a nutshell.

Also, Yui's clumsiness and silliness is way, way overdone. I'm presuming it's meant to be cute, but it's not. It's just fucking annoying. Everytime we're forced to endure Yui's antics, I feel nothing but the unquenchable desire to reach into the screen and punch Yui in the face. And then kick her. Continuously. For about an hour.

Another reason why Ritsu is my favourite character.

Ultimately, I might just keep watching K-On!. For what it's worth, it makes for a good, lighthearted alternative to my usual shit of giant robots beating the fuck out of each other. But I'm definitely not going to be following the series with any great enthusiasm.

This picture encapsulates the entirety of Yui's relationships with...everyone.

On the plus side, Ritsu is cool. Also, the show has a bitchin' ending tune; which is my favourite part of the show for several reasons which should be fairly obvious.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What I'm Watching

So, with new season in full swing, there's a whole lot of new crap to watch. And here's what's eating up my free time:


By virtue of the fact she uses a boomerang, I demand that she be given a hideously over the top Australian accent in the English dub.

Definitely my favourite out of all the new season shows, Shangri-La combines great artwork, interesting characters and an intelligent story to form one hell of a package. Also, it's got Momoko, whose every kind of awesome conceiveble. Looking forward to seeing how this bad boy of a series turns out!

Shin Mazinger Shougeki! Z-Hen

Now say it with me; BREASTO FIREEEEEEEEE!!!

It's fucking Mazinger! Is there seriously anything else I have to say!?

Queen's Blade

Given how I try to avoid pornographic pictures on my blog, I had to use the only screencap I had which didn't have tits in it. So enjoy this picture of a giant toad.

Given all the blog reviews I've read so far, I'm beginning to suspect I am the only person on Earth who enjoys this show. Quite possibly because I'm an unashamed lover of pornography.


So yeah.

Ugh, I've never been one for moe moe shit, and K-On! is no exception. And Yui strikes me more as being mildly retarded rather then being cute. At least the show is well animated...oh, and it's got a bitchin closing song too.

Well, those are all the new shows I've seen so far, and here are some of the older stuff I've just started watching:

Black Lagoon

Yes. That is a fucking boat flying in the air, about to shoot a torpedo at a helicopter.

Episode 2 had a boat that flew into the sky and shot a torpedo which hit a helicoptor pilot in the face. That's all I needed to know this show is awesome. Also, the opening song is tits.

Bamboo Blade

Fucking backlights!

A cute show that's actually done right! Tama-chan is possibly the only moe moe character who I don't want to skewer with a stake. Also, it's got badass kendo fight scenes. And it's got Dan-kun, a pimp in the making with an acorn shaped head whose 2 feet shorter then everyone else.

Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS

Final Fusion, bitch.

One word; Subaru. Or as she is more aptly known as; GaoGaiGar-tan.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Taikutsu Theater Presents - The Next Generation

Following last week's episode of this, we now bring you the thrilling conclusion...

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The West Strikes Back - In Defense of Dubbing, Second Phase

About a week ago, I proudly hoisted the banner of dub lovers everywhere. Upon retrospect, I think I may have come off as too aggressive in that post, and might have misled some to thinking that I have an active dislike of people who prefer subs.

That is not true.

Whilst I will probably never willingly watch a show in subs if a dub is available (unless the dub truly is earth shatteringly bad. So far, only Genshiken has ever earned that dishonor), I can respect the decisions of those who prefer subs for well thought out reasons.

So no. I don't hate people who prefer subs. I do however, hate certain subsets of the people in the sub camp.

As I had pointed out in the last post, one subsection of the team sub that I hate are those who insist on the innate superiority of Japanese VAs for no apparent reason other then the fact that they're Japanese.

There are two other groups that I didn't point out in the last post, which is what I intend to rectify today.

The first, are those douches who claim that they prefer subs because they're, "true/avid anime fans."

That's an argument that has about as much merit as a steaming pile of horse manure.

As fandom can't be quantified, one cannot ever accurately assess whether one is a greater or lesser fan.

However, I can say this; my computer hard drive is loaded with several hundred gigabytes of anime, my entire dvd collection largely consists of anime, every single book that I've bought in the last few years which haven't been non-fiction titles have been manga, my desk is literred with figures, a vast array of miscelleneous items in my house such as cups, phonestraps, posters and so forth are anime related, I've been to anime conventions in multiple countries, and I've spent days walking the streets of Akihabara.

For personal reasons I do not refer to myself as an otaku, but that word is still a pretty fucking apt descriptor.

So don't give me this bullshit about how the fact you jerk off to subs somehow makes you a "true" anime fan.

And a common argument that follows the "true fan" claim is that they don't want dubs to ruin the director's artistic vision.

Now let's get this straight; Anime. Is Not. Fucking. Art.

You want art? Go to the local art gallery, go listen to classical music, go visit the theater. In fact, for fellow Sydney-siders, there's a new Tom Stoppard play that's on at the moment, go watch that if you want some art. Also, Wicked is coming to town in a few months, go watch that for your art fix too.

Anime however, is not art. It's essentially the animated equivalent of a sitcom or a TV show; a commercial endeavour whose primary purpose is making money. Any artistic merit is just bonus.

Just because an anime might be intelligently written or thought provoking doesn't somehow make it art. Every once in a while, an anime comes out that is so ahead of it's time, that it can rightly claim it's place as art. But those are the incredibly rare exceptions.

Also, if we really want to go into the whole argument about how the director wanted people to see his/her work, I'm pretty sure s/he didn't intend to have fucking text hovering around the bottom of the screen every fucking time a character opens their mouth.

Now the final subset of camp sub that pisses me off; the idiots who think that just because they like reading stupid little text at the bottom of the screen somehow means that they're smart and well read, whereas people who like dubs are dumb.

No. Reading subs does not make you smarter, and preferring dubs does not mean you're dumb.

I should know; I'm a fucking Mensa member with a tested IQ of 180. I am a fucking student in fucking law school. Everyday, I have to read and comprehend court reports and legal critiques, mostly written by Judges and legal academics, who rank amongst the most pointlessly verbose and ineloquent people in the known universe.

I can read well, and I goddamned have some fucking grey matter in my head. And the same applies for many of my fellow fans who prefer dub work.

So stop fucking patronizing us with your bullshit.

You might prefer subs for whatever reason, but stop thinking that somehow makes you better then us. Cause here's something that might surprise you; it doesn't.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Dear Japan - An Open Letter Regarding Inorganic Humanoid Anatomy

Dear Japan,

Please stop it with the robot tits.

As a fan of the super robot genre, I quite unsurprisingly watch many animes featuring fantastically stylistic and over the top giant robots. And whilst super robots have generally being the domain of men, every once in a while a girl decides to strike a blow for feminism and pilot a badass giant robot along with the boys.

This is a good thing.

However, do you really have to outfit your female pilots with robo juggies? I mean, really? Do women really have to scream out to everyone that the pilot insides a chick by riding this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Do they really fucking have to? I mean, for Christ's sakes! Some of these bots jiggle! THEY FUCKING JIGGLE!

I wish I was making this up.

And honestly now, what the fuck were you guys smoking when you made the following two scenes, and where can I get some?

Yes. Those are robot nipples. Robot. Fucking. Nipples.

The most depressing part is that the pilots were killed by that.

I never thought I'd say this Japan, never in a million years, but here it is; I have had enough fucking tits shoved in my face.

So in closing, until the day that male piloted robots get extending robo dick spears, please refrain from any more robot boobs in future.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

The West Strikes Back - In Defense of Dubbing

Ahh, the dub/sub debate. Nothing throws non-Japanese speaking anime fans the world over into little hissy fits quite so effectively as this timeworn argument.

Anyway, since every single bastard on the internetz seems to have an opinion about this, I thought I'd throw in mine as well.

And whilst I'm certain that I'm in the minority when I say this, I'm going to anyway;





Now I've heard all the popular arguments from pro-subbers, how they like anime to sound as it's meant to be, how the Japanese VAs are infinitely superior to their English speaking counterparts and so on. And quite frankly, these arguments sound like utter crap. Nonetheless, in the spirit of discourse, here are my arguments for why dubs are awesome:

We understand what the shit they're saying

The fundamental reason why dubs exist in the first place; so that English speakers can understand what on earth is being said. Now I realize subs serve the same purpose, but there are several reasons why they are fundamentally inferior.

Firstly, subs are often abbreviated so as to not clog up the screen with text. This runs the risk of losing meaning, or at least unique styles of speech a character might have. In contrast, dubs are allowed greater freedom for verbosity, thus allowing dialogue to be as intricate and eloquent as in the original Japanese. Furthermore, verbal tics, styles of speech and accents can be preserved (or at least appropriated) in a way that subs are incapable of.

Furthermore, subs alone do not portray emotions. Now I know that is the job for the Japanese dialogue to accomplish, but the problem is, unless one is accustomed to listening and speaking Japanese, all but the least subtle nuances of speech would be lost on us.

As a viewer with only limited understanding of Japanese, I can only pick up the most obvious changes of tone in Japanese speech. For the most part, it all simply sounds like unintelligible sounds with variations in volume.

In contrast, dubs allow the viewer to appreciate the full extent of the subtleties of the spoken word. From pitch to tone to pacing, familiarity with the English language allows one to pick up these subtleties as portrayed by the voice actors, thus providing far greater insight into the character then subs would be capable of.

And as an added bonus, dubs mean that I don't always have to have my full attention on the screen to understand what's going on. When cleaning the house, cooking dinner or so forth, I enjoy doing these mundane activities with the tv on. English dubbing allows me to follow the story without having to pay too much attention to the screen; a feat that subs are incapable of.

English speaking VAs are actually quite skilled. It's just that weaboos won't fucking admit it

Another popular argument in favour of subs is the supposedly inherent superiority Japanese voice actors. Now I'm sorry, but that's fucking bullshit.

English voice actors are just as talented, dedicated and passionate as their Japanese counterparts. If you want proof, just look at the amount of fan interaction a lot of these people partake in, all the cons they attend in order to get fan feedback, all the forums they browse to get an indication of what fans think of their performance.

And all this, despite the fact how every third person they talk to is some douche who complains about English dubbing without ever listening to it to begin with.

Many proponents of subbing seem to be stuck in the mindset that dubs are still been done by tiny companies with like 10 staff, with just as small a pool of voice talent to choose from. Those days are past. In fact, they've been past for like 10 fucking years!

Today, localization companies have hefty budgets and a large array of talent to choose from. Many of whom are very talented individuals who I'm sure weaboos would be worshipping had they spoke Japanese rather then English.

Mary Elizabeth McGlynn, Johnny Yong Bosch, Crispin Freeman, Christina Vee, Lisa Ortiz, Yuri Lowenthal and Steven Blum are but a very small number of talents that the English speaking anime community takes for granted.

In Closing
As would be obvious by now; I vastly prefer my animes dubbed rather then subbed. Oftentimes, it's the dubbing that most strongly influences me in buying anime dvds.

Of course, I readily admit that not all dubs are good, and some are quite obviously horrific. The Genshiken dub still haunts me in my sleep.

Nonetheless, just as how as how some English dubbing efforts fall flat, some Japanese productions are also poor. The fact that the voiceacting is in Japanese doesn't magically prevent the effort from sucking.

In the end, there will always be some people who will always prefer subs for whatever reason. Whilst I would probably never share that preference, I can somewhat respect it.

What I want to see however, is that idiots stop lumping all English dubs into a blanket term of suck, rather then taking the time to evaluate and appreciate each dub on it's own merits.

So in closing, here's a dubbed scene from Mahou Shoujo Nanoha A's. Enjoy (and beware spoilers):

So that's my two cents. What's your opinion on the dub vs sub debate? And feel free to advocate subbing; I'll respect your opinion despite how wrong you are ;)

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Taikutsu Theater Presents - The Fanfics of Haruhi Suzumiya

So Animania last weekend was kinda...bleh. It was fun, but the event seemed kinda underwhelming, and queuing outside for two hours under the hot sun was definitely not a high point.

Also, Optic and I had planned to meet up for Animania, but due to a comedy of errors, we never actually found each other. And most horridly, only a single person commented on my sexy Gurren Lagann shirt!

Still, I did manage to get a Genshiken dvd boxset though, so not all was lost.

Anyways, that's it for mini Animania, see y'all at the big one in September.

And now, we return to your regularly scheduled program of...this.