After my review of Kaiyado's Revoltech Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, I came to a certain realization; I have almost no human figures. Aside from a Revoltech Ayanami Rei (Evangelion) and Yotsuba (Yotsubato!), all my other figures are robots. If a stranger were to walk into my room, they'd probably think I had a hardon for machines.
So in order to rectify this, I decided I'd go scooping around for human figures to add to my collection. As a fan of poseble figures, I naturally focused my search more on them rather then their fixed pose breathren. It was during my seach that I came across a certain line of poseble figures by Konami, called Busou Shinki.
For those unfamiliar with Busou Shinki, they're a line of highly poseble figures by Konami which features dangerously underaged girls who wear strange oversized armour, reminiscent of military vehicles. And thus brings us to the topic of this post; the dark and disturbing world of mecha musume.
Mecha Musume, which I am presuming means mech girl or some shit like that, is the unholy union of man and machine. And by man, I mean flat chested, underaged girl.
How to spot a mecha musume: If she's got strange mechanical parts on her that would look less out of place on a plane, and if you would probably be arrested for sleeping with her, she's probably a mecha musume.
I'm not entirely sure of how this sub genre came to birth, but I'm presuming it went something like this:
Japanese Businessman 1: Gentlemen! We need a new gimick to break into the already saturated male otaku market!
Japanese Businessman 2: Well, male otakus like girls. Let's do something with girls in it!
Japanese Businessman 3: No! There are already too many anime girls! We need something else...I know! Guys also like planes and tanks!
Japanese Businessman 2: But there won't be any girls in it! That would never sell!
Japanese Businessman 3: Damn...
Japanese Businessman 1: Wait! I know! Let's combine both of them together! Guys would love that twice as much!
Japanese Businessmen 2 & 3: A brilliant idea!
Unfortunately, that really doesn't work out. It's true that I like my girls, and I like my planes, but two rights don't necessarily make a bigger right. Let me explain;
Why does this seemingly match made in heaven not work then? For a few simple reasons;
I don't like women who are heavy enough to crush me to death. Some modern jets weigh almost 20,000kg. Given how these chicks are half plane, we should be able to assume they would weigh at least 8000kg. If a girl like that so much as tripped and fell on me, I would be lucky if only my legs were irreperably shattered.
Strange unnatural parts growing out of people aren't hot. In Japan they might be attractive, but in the rest of the world, we call them tumors.
They're gas guzzlers. I'm presuming they would require fuel to power their non-organic parts. Given how I already spend like $50 a week on my fuel for my car, I don't even dare imagine how much you'd have to spend for a girl who's a fucking plane! Talk about expensive women, these bitches would need an entirely new class of high maintanence all to themselves!
So yeah, that's why I don't like mecha musumes. I might still look into the Busou Shinki line, but I must point out that I really have no real fondness for this sub-genre.
Seriously Japan, I've always held out hope that you would one day come up with a fetish that's actually hot, but underaged loli robot girls?
What. The. Fuck.