Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Strike Witches Review

I feel dirty, filth ridden and violated. I have just finished watching Strike Witches, and by all accounts, I should loathe it with every fiber of my being. Yet, instead of gut wrenching disgust, I walk away from the show with the same sort of guilty satisfaction I would imagine one would feel after spending the night with a cheap prostitute from a particularly seedy section of town.

For reasons I will never know, Japanese anime seems to have some bizarre fetish of including German characters.

For those of you who follow my blog, you'll know that in my last post, I made clear my distaste for the mecha musume genre. To show I was not a complete bigot, I decided I'd watch at least one mecha musume show, at least so that I'd have more ammunition with which to make fun of the genre. And between Sky Girls and Strike Witches, the latter seemed to me at the time as the one less likely to get me arrested, and so begun my dark and haunting journey through the world of Strike Witches.

Strike Witches is the story of a squadron of under aged flying half plane magical loli catgirls who wear no pants and were based on historical ace pilots (of which only one was actually female) who fight against alien invaders.

Yes, you read that right.

There are aliens in this show.

Fuckity fuck fuck on a fuck stick. Words just fail to convey the thoughts running through my head.

The focus of Strike Witches lies in two areas; awesome flight sequences, and stomach churning fanservice.

Unlike the rest of Strike Witches, the flight scenes are something I can genuinely enjoy without uttering a silent apology to whatever God may or may not exist. They are fantastically well choreographed and animated. In fact, they are so well done, that I suspect they may be enough to induce spontaneous orgasm amongst some viewers.

For better or for worse, I am not amongst the lucky few, for I am too utterly revolted by the display of flying lolis, but for those of you who do not share my disgust, I advise you to keep a box of tissues handy. Also, if you are amongst those who do manage to climax at this masterful display of aviation animation, do leave a comment and share with us the touching story of how Strike Witches stained your pants.

Visual reminders to keep tissues or cloth nearby for the upcoming flight scene.

There are some who believe the pleasure and pain are eternally intermingled. After Strike Witches, I am persuaded to agree with that sentiment. Just as how the gorgeous dogfights elevate one to the very zenith of animation induced pleasure, the horribly disgusting half nude shots of 13 year old girls rips one from said zenith, plummeting down into the very depths of human depravity, leaving them there, shivering and alone.

Truly - God is dead.

Perhaps I am making too much of a point on this. But seriously, these kids are like fucking 14! WHO THE FUCK IS FINDING THIS HOT!? Also, where the fuck are their pants!? WHO IN JAPAN PITCHED THE IDEA OF FLYING PANTLESS 14 YEAR OLDS!?

Story really isn't the strong point of Strike Witches. Simply put, alien invaders attack Earth for some poorly defined reason, and the only one's who can stop them are flying half plane magical loli catgirls. What follows from there is a cliche storm of many predictable plot elements, but they are executed well enough to at least be vaguely enjoyable, if plot hole ridden. My personal belief however, is that the aliens' evil plan is to steal or destroy all the worlds' pants, which will explain both great mysteries; why the aliens are attacking, and where the fuck everyones' pants went.

Truer words have never been spoken.

One of the stronger aspects of Strike Witches, is that whilst the characters are fairly archtypical, they are actually quite likeable, and manage to carry the show and maintain interest, whereas the plot fails in such respect. My only beef however, is that the cast is huge; there are 11 characters in the Strike Witches brigade. With only 12 episodes in the season, some characters are left painfully undeveloped as compared to others.

Nonetheless, for better or for worse, the ending suggests a sequel is at least being considered, and if it materializes, hopefully the other characters will be better developed, or at the very least have a bit more screentime.

Miyafuji Yoshika
The main character. Typical 'average school girl' thrust into a less then average situation. Japanese. Fairly boring personality, but is friendly. Is a raccoon or some shit. Has a breast fetish.

Yoshika doing what Yoshika does best.

Sakamoto Mio
The second in command of the Strike Witches. Thinks a katana is an effective weapon in a dogfight. Has an eyepatch. Has the most mind shattering laugh in the history of everything.

Mio laughing. Yoshika later fell into a coma and was pronounced dead a week later.

Minna-Dietlinde Wilcke
The German commander of the Strike Witches. Cares greatly for her minions. Is probably a lesbian.

Minna (middle) admiring the rear view.

Lynette Bishop
The British sniper (as in she's from Britain and she's a sniper, not as in she snipes British people). Shy and lacking in confidence, she's generally the team buttmonkey.

Don't let this screencap fool you. Lynette is really, really lame.

Perrine-H. Clostermann
Typical anime Frenchwoman. An upperclass twit. Shares buttmonkey duties with Lynette. Only open lesbian in a team of closet cases.

How Mio constantly fails to recognize Perrine's desire to be her sex slave totally escapes me.

Erica Hartmann
One half of the Strike Witches' German ace pilot duo. Despite her awesome talent, she's a lazy little git. For that reason alone, she's the best character in the show.

Gaze into the stoic, cold eyes of a soldier who has lived through the very hells of war.

Gertrud Barkhorn
The other half of the German ace pilot duo. Constantly has a stick up her arse, and is thus not as cool as Erica.

Why do I even bother trying to put funny captions under the pictures? They're flying half plane magical loli catgirls! The imagery should already speak for itself!

Francesca Lucchini
The youngest member in a team of sexualised minors. Hailing from Italy. Is generally the comic relief character; the Italians must be so proud. Has a breast fetish.

The steams were the sole barrier between my mind, and the inescapable oblivion of insanity.

Charlotte E. Yeager
An American racer turned pilot. Like all Americans, has huge breasts. Also speaks flawless Japanese, like all Americans.

Charlotte engaging in that timeless American pastime of groping one's own breasts.

Sanya V. Litvyak
The little goth girl from Russia. Quiet and asleep most of the day. They had to make a special night episode just to give her lines.

For some reason, I find Sanya really hard to make fun of. Probably because she wears tights at the very least.

Eila Ilmatar Juutilainen
Sanya's lesbian lover or some shit, I dunno. Simply put, she's got like no personality aside from the fact she wants to get into Sanya's (metaphorical) pants and make an adult video with her.

Groping at 20,000 feet above the ground.

I don't know why I like this shit. I really don't. By all accounts, I really should abhor Strike Witches. And yet, despite my best efforts, I ultimately enjoyed this series. All I can say, is give it a shot. I on the other hand, am going to go cry in the corner now, so in my place, I leave you with a few more screencaps.

Yoshika living out her fantasy.

Eila was tragically unaware that it's considered rape if they're sleeping. She is currently doing time in an all womens' prison. She's never been happier.

It came from below.

Yoshika having an erotic dream about Lynette. I'm not joking.

Once again I must emphasise on how cock hardeningly sweet the flight scenes are.

Military discipline at it's finest.

I don't care if you're too high up for anyone to see you, get a fucking room.

Perrine angered at no longer being the only lesbian in the village.

Paddle like the dog that you are!

This is a school. It does school things.

And thus my dignity dies.


  1. I making this series my priority 1 series to watch when I get back.
    It's ok to enjoy fanservice like this. That's what make us human. xD

  2. I remember when this series first came out, I downloaded the first episode. My best friend came over, and I thought, let's try this anime! We watched it ... and I never picked up again.

    Might try it again, as it's probably easier to feel really stupid when watching it by yourself.

  3. @ Optic
    Heheh, I'm quite fine with fanservice, just that the fact they're all kids is offputting to me =P

    Still, if you can stomach that, it's a pretty good show, just don't expect much of a plot.

    @ Acesan
    Yeah, the first episode is really nothing to write home about. Still, it gets better as it goes on...though you really won't be missing out on much if you decide not to bother watching the rest of the series.

  4. I'm gonna try this anime. Thanks for the review and also thanks for visiting my blog.

  5. @ Colour Wheelz
    No worries, your manga project looks interesting, keep it up! ^^

  6. Wasn't planning to watch this, and still won't lol~ It's just not for me, am happy with the series I'm currently following :3

    Nice screencaps and captions, had a few lol moments xD

  7. @ Koshiko

    Hehe, thanks =D

    Eh, you won't really be missing much if you give Strike Witches a skip. Still, could at least watch an episode to have a look; you might find the flight scenes enjoyeble at the least =P

  8. Fuckin' Fail Review.
    Its A Fan Service Anime, so Fan Service is kinda to be expected.

  9. @ KonoSetsu
    Kindly explain to me how kiddy porn constitutes fan service.

  10. Snark, you know these characters look exactly like and act like 'adult' characters in other fan service shows. Note half of them already have D cup breasts.

    Just like "He is my master" with a '7' year old with double D's. If you think they're accurate representations of fourteen year olds in strike witches, or even humans for that matter you have a better imagination than I.

  11. Oh and, Americans being moral compass for rest of world, etc. Thanks. Just remember not everyone out there is not you. (Same age as you or lives in the same location as you with the same laws and social morals.)

  12. OH, LAWDY! Your review is fucking kickass because it's funny. Man, I tell ya, if we lived in some fantasy world or some shit, I'd dick Francesca Lucchini to the floor. I mean it! I'd pound that muff till it was sore! All them little lolis would feel my sexual rage! Mio would get it the worst. Her irritating, fake laugh hardens my schwanze. Seriously, people, there is nothing wrong with this show. It is only a cartoon, so sit down with it and crack out a few sperm loads. Invite your whole family and all your friends to enjoy this one of a kind masterpiece of highbrow cinema! Keep them tissues handy! Perhaps a Fleshlight with industrial strength lube! Do eeeeeet!

  13. Oh man i haven't laughed this hard in a long time, i have got to watch this anime now....
    I'd tag and bag every single one of those flying closet cases there'd be nothing left but smoldering ruins..
    I'd make pedobear look like a asexual waste of furry fucking space.
    Thanks mate i needed a good laugh.

  14. Haha! Excellent review! For some reason this show seems so enticing, but, I mean seriously, everyone past school age knows around 25 is the golden age, not 14 or whatever it is ;) (well, they could qualify for being 20-25 at the very most, if you take into the account the fact that all anime characters have giant heads that make them look 10 years younger than they should be, excluding maybe Hideaki Sorachi's drawing style). That and I feel that this is an attack on everything great mecha anime like Gundam and, erm, Gundam Zeta stand for... But still... People flying with lasers and crap in the sky shooting down WW2 planes is a recipe for utter awesomeness.

  15. I wanted to try this show, downloaded the first episode and as soon as i saw the ridiculous shit they were flying with i turned it off.

  16. Strike Witches is fanservice with more fanservice packed on top of it.
    It's a parody of itself and I watch it for the likable characters alone...oh and for the lack of trousers of course

    Thinking about all the possible pairings might let my head explode - I'd throw them in for a big orgy.

  17. Dear admin...or who ever the fuck reviews this crap, I just had to comment on the way you review this show. I could only force myself threw the first ep., and omg you watched the whole was funny as shit reading your rant about this show...he must have put together his fetish's; loli, swimsuit, ww2, and pantsless sailer suit...realy? well I guess I just don't understand him. I'm not a big fan for mecha, but this just made it seam stupid. i g2g but your review was funny as shit...good review

  18. Looking forward to more reviews but like I said I g2g,
    Death Radius

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