Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Katawa Shoujo - Cripple Fucking

Now I realize this isn't particularly recent news, but in the off chance you live under a rock and haven't heard of this yet, I would like to tell you about a little doujin game in the works called Katawa Shoujo.

In a nutshell; it's a porn game with cripples.

Ok, I'm sorry, that was rude of me. Let me try that again;

It's a porn game with 'differently abled' people. i.e. cripples.

To be honest, I am in two minds about this. The hippie in me thinks this can be a poignant and challenging experience, allowing the player to interact and emphatise with characters and situations that the player themself had never experienced before.

If that is the case, it could be quite an eye opener for some, and may yet fulfill my lifetime dream of seeing porn elevated to the status of art. My more cynical side however, thinks this may turn out to be a game about fucking chicks and then ejaculating over their deformed body parts and getting off over it.

Set in the fictional Yamaku High School for disabled children, you play some dude named Hisao Nakai, a kid suffering from a serious heart defect. From there, he meets new friends and gets to fuck a bunch of hot cripples. I don't my opinion, if you have a weak heart, the last thing you'd want to do is to get into a heart pounding situation, like say, hot, passionate sex.


Hisao Nakai
The new kid in school. Seems to be a fairly typical visual novel protagonist except for the fact he's got a heart condition.

Fear his anime blandness

Emi Ibarazaki
The typical overtly cheerful genki girl that infests like every anime, manga and hentai in none existence. Amputated from knee down following a horrible accident, she seems to be taking a page from that amputee sprinter guy who wanted to qualify for the Olympics, and has joined the track team. Unlike some of the other characters, she generally views her condition as a blessing.

"Waaaa, sugoi! Kawaii!!" Ugh, shut the fuck up.

Hanako Ikezawa
The quiet, reclusive girl. Lost her father to a house fire, which also permanently disfigured her. Best friends with Lilly, the refined girl.

You got nothin' on Dr. Blight, girl.

Lilly Satou
Impeccably classy and refined. Lilly is best friends with Hanako, and in contrast to her reclusive companion, is caring, responsible and friendly. Also, she's blind.

God I hate this, I'm filled to the brim with captions to use, but I don't know if they cross the line or not.

Rin Tezuka
The pretentious, quasi philosopher of the cast. Suffered from a severe birth defect that left her with tiny stumps for arms.

Is it just me, or does she look deadset like a red headed Fuuka from Persona 3?

Shizune Hakamichi
Strong willed and forceful, she generally has more balls then anyone else in the room, men included. A born leader, she does however have a little trouble communicating, being deaf and mute and all.

According to the game info, a close friend of hers acts as an interpreter for Shizune. That should make for interesting sex scenes.

Well now that's out of the way, let's explore Hippie-Me's opinion more thoroughly. Disabled people are a woeful minority in all forms of media. When they do appear, it's generally in two forms; where they and their disability is the subject of the piece, or where they are the wheelchair-bound politically correct poster girl.

In that sense, it may seem that Katawa Shoujo is much the same; the premise in a nutshell is a hentai game with disabled people. However, I think it is the hentai portion of the game that may actually allow this game to transcend other works featuring disabilities.

By allowing the player to engage in sex with these characters; they become a symbol of lust, desire and maybe even love. Most of us see disabled people in a sympathetic light, and in doing so, consciously or otherwise, we place them at a lower status then ourselves. One thing I've noticed is our propensity to mutter, "poor thing," or something along those lines. Which from what I've been told by some friends who are disabled, is utterly insulting and condescending.

With Katawa Shoujo however, whilst these characters are disabled, they are nevertheless desirable. I believe this levels the playing field, in that they are no longer seen as helpless, childlike and deserving of sympathy. Instead, these girls are seen as women who the player would like to establish a romantic relationship with, and this allows the game to both acknowledge their disabilities whilst not letting it define them.

If the game successfully manages this, I think it would be a wonderful achievement of storytelling. Furthermore, it will help to humanise a group of people who too often are left in the shadows of mainstream media. And for what it's worth, any game that manages to do that, is a wonderful thing.

Well, that was Hippie-Me talking. Personally, I hope Hippie-Me is right, but then again, Hippie-Me also smokes weed and masturbates to whale-songs.

Cynical-Me however, thinks the games nothing more then a lame attempt at appealing to some fucked up fetish. Personally, I've never really fantasized about banging a hot chick while her 20cm long stumps-for-arms flail about in the throes of ecstasy, but you never know, someone out there might find that hot.

Pictures and general information taken from

Note 2:
Just in case I came off as too negative (as I often do), I would like to clarify that as a whole, I am impressed by the premise of this game and really do hope it will live up to Hippie-Me's expectations.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Go my minions! Go forth and conquer!

So with this being finals week and all, I sadly do not have the time to dazzle you all with the poignent, fuck-laced poetry that is my written word. Therefore, I shall instead treat you with pictures of my Mighty Revoltech Army, not to mention small glimpses into the inescapably vast sea of pandemonium that I call a room.

So yeah, that's it for now. Expect full posts to return by next week; I've started watching Kyouran Kazoku Nikki, so hopefully I'll be able to write up a review or at least first impressions. Anyway, till then, I'll be here, using toys as a substitute for real human relationships.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Strike Witches Review

I feel dirty, filth ridden and violated. I have just finished watching Strike Witches, and by all accounts, I should loathe it with every fiber of my being. Yet, instead of gut wrenching disgust, I walk away from the show with the same sort of guilty satisfaction I would imagine one would feel after spending the night with a cheap prostitute from a particularly seedy section of town.

For reasons I will never know, Japanese anime seems to have some bizarre fetish of including German characters.

For those of you who follow my blog, you'll know that in my last post, I made clear my distaste for the mecha musume genre. To show I was not a complete bigot, I decided I'd watch at least one mecha musume show, at least so that I'd have more ammunition with which to make fun of the genre. And between Sky Girls and Strike Witches, the latter seemed to me at the time as the one less likely to get me arrested, and so begun my dark and haunting journey through the world of Strike Witches.

Strike Witches is the story of a squadron of under aged flying half plane magical loli catgirls who wear no pants and were based on historical ace pilots (of which only one was actually female) who fight against alien invaders.

Yes, you read that right.

There are aliens in this show.

Fuckity fuck fuck on a fuck stick. Words just fail to convey the thoughts running through my head.

The focus of Strike Witches lies in two areas; awesome flight sequences, and stomach churning fanservice.

Unlike the rest of Strike Witches, the flight scenes are something I can genuinely enjoy without uttering a silent apology to whatever God may or may not exist. They are fantastically well choreographed and animated. In fact, they are so well done, that I suspect they may be enough to induce spontaneous orgasm amongst some viewers.

For better or for worse, I am not amongst the lucky few, for I am too utterly revolted by the display of flying lolis, but for those of you who do not share my disgust, I advise you to keep a box of tissues handy. Also, if you are amongst those who do manage to climax at this masterful display of aviation animation, do leave a comment and share with us the touching story of how Strike Witches stained your pants.

Visual reminders to keep tissues or cloth nearby for the upcoming flight scene.

There are some who believe the pleasure and pain are eternally intermingled. After Strike Witches, I am persuaded to agree with that sentiment. Just as how the gorgeous dogfights elevate one to the very zenith of animation induced pleasure, the horribly disgusting half nude shots of 13 year old girls rips one from said zenith, plummeting down into the very depths of human depravity, leaving them there, shivering and alone.

Truly - God is dead.

Perhaps I am making too much of a point on this. But seriously, these kids are like fucking 14! WHO THE FUCK IS FINDING THIS HOT!? Also, where the fuck are their pants!? WHO IN JAPAN PITCHED THE IDEA OF FLYING PANTLESS 14 YEAR OLDS!?

Story really isn't the strong point of Strike Witches. Simply put, alien invaders attack Earth for some poorly defined reason, and the only one's who can stop them are flying half plane magical loli catgirls. What follows from there is a cliche storm of many predictable plot elements, but they are executed well enough to at least be vaguely enjoyable, if plot hole ridden. My personal belief however, is that the aliens' evil plan is to steal or destroy all the worlds' pants, which will explain both great mysteries; why the aliens are attacking, and where the fuck everyones' pants went.

Truer words have never been spoken.

One of the stronger aspects of Strike Witches, is that whilst the characters are fairly archtypical, they are actually quite likeable, and manage to carry the show and maintain interest, whereas the plot fails in such respect. My only beef however, is that the cast is huge; there are 11 characters in the Strike Witches brigade. With only 12 episodes in the season, some characters are left painfully undeveloped as compared to others.

Nonetheless, for better or for worse, the ending suggests a sequel is at least being considered, and if it materializes, hopefully the other characters will be better developed, or at the very least have a bit more screentime.

Miyafuji Yoshika
The main character. Typical 'average school girl' thrust into a less then average situation. Japanese. Fairly boring personality, but is friendly. Is a raccoon or some shit. Has a breast fetish.

Yoshika doing what Yoshika does best.

Sakamoto Mio
The second in command of the Strike Witches. Thinks a katana is an effective weapon in a dogfight. Has an eyepatch. Has the most mind shattering laugh in the history of everything.

Mio laughing. Yoshika later fell into a coma and was pronounced dead a week later.

Minna-Dietlinde Wilcke
The German commander of the Strike Witches. Cares greatly for her minions. Is probably a lesbian.

Minna (middle) admiring the rear view.

Lynette Bishop
The British sniper (as in she's from Britain and she's a sniper, not as in she snipes British people). Shy and lacking in confidence, she's generally the team buttmonkey.

Don't let this screencap fool you. Lynette is really, really lame.

Perrine-H. Clostermann
Typical anime Frenchwoman. An upperclass twit. Shares buttmonkey duties with Lynette. Only open lesbian in a team of closet cases.

How Mio constantly fails to recognize Perrine's desire to be her sex slave totally escapes me.

Erica Hartmann
One half of the Strike Witches' German ace pilot duo. Despite her awesome talent, she's a lazy little git. For that reason alone, she's the best character in the show.

Gaze into the stoic, cold eyes of a soldier who has lived through the very hells of war.

Gertrud Barkhorn
The other half of the German ace pilot duo. Constantly has a stick up her arse, and is thus not as cool as Erica.

Why do I even bother trying to put funny captions under the pictures? They're flying half plane magical loli catgirls! The imagery should already speak for itself!

Francesca Lucchini
The youngest member in a team of sexualised minors. Hailing from Italy. Is generally the comic relief character; the Italians must be so proud. Has a breast fetish.

The steams were the sole barrier between my mind, and the inescapable oblivion of insanity.

Charlotte E. Yeager
An American racer turned pilot. Like all Americans, has huge breasts. Also speaks flawless Japanese, like all Americans.

Charlotte engaging in that timeless American pastime of groping one's own breasts.

Sanya V. Litvyak
The little goth girl from Russia. Quiet and asleep most of the day. They had to make a special night episode just to give her lines.

For some reason, I find Sanya really hard to make fun of. Probably because she wears tights at the very least.

Eila Ilmatar Juutilainen
Sanya's lesbian lover or some shit, I dunno. Simply put, she's got like no personality aside from the fact she wants to get into Sanya's (metaphorical) pants and make an adult video with her.

Groping at 20,000 feet above the ground.

I don't know why I like this shit. I really don't. By all accounts, I really should abhor Strike Witches. And yet, despite my best efforts, I ultimately enjoyed this series. All I can say, is give it a shot. I on the other hand, am going to go cry in the corner now, so in my place, I leave you with a few more screencaps.

Yoshika living out her fantasy.

Eila was tragically unaware that it's considered rape if they're sleeping. She is currently doing time in an all womens' prison. She's never been happier.

It came from below.

Yoshika having an erotic dream about Lynette. I'm not joking.

Once again I must emphasise on how cock hardeningly sweet the flight scenes are.

Military discipline at it's finest.

I don't care if you're too high up for anyone to see you, get a fucking room.

Perrine angered at no longer being the only lesbian in the village.

Paddle like the dog that you are!

This is a school. It does school things.

And thus my dignity dies.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Of Girls and Warships

After my review of Kaiyado's Revoltech Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, I came to a certain realization; I have almost no human figures. Aside from a Revoltech Ayanami Rei (Evangelion) and Yotsuba (Yotsubato!), all my other figures are robots. If a stranger were to walk into my room, they'd probably think I had a hardon for machines.

So in order to rectify this, I decided I'd go scooping around for human figures to add to my collection. As a fan of poseble figures, I naturally focused my search more on them rather then their fixed pose breathren. It was during my seach that I came across a certain line of poseble figures by Konami, called Busou Shinki.

A figure from Konami's Busou Shinki line.

For those unfamiliar with Busou Shinki, they're a line of highly poseble figures by Konami which features dangerously underaged girls who wear strange oversized armour, reminiscent of military vehicles. And thus brings us to the topic of this post; the dark and disturbing world of mecha musume.

Mecha Musume, which I am presuming means mech girl or some shit like that, is the unholy union of man and machine. And by man, I mean flat chested, underaged girl.

How to spot a mecha musume: If she's got strange mechanical parts on her that would look less out of place on a plane, and if you would probably be arrested for sleeping with her, she's probably a mecha musume.

I'm not entirely sure of how this sub genre came to birth, but I'm presuming it went something like this:

Japanese Businessman 1: Gentlemen! We need a new gimick to break into the already saturated male otaku market!

Japanese Businessman 2: Well, male otakus like girls. Let's do something with girls in it!

Japanese Businessman 3: No! There are already too many anime girls! We need something else...I know! Guys also like planes and tanks!

Japanese Businessman 2: But there won't be any girls in it! That would never sell!

Japanese Businessman 3: Damn...

Japanese Businessman 1: Wait! I know! Let's combine both of them together! Guys would love that twice as much!

Japanese Businessmen 2 & 3: A brilliant idea!

Unfortunately, that really doesn't work out. It's true that I like my girls, and I like my planes, but two rights don't necessarily make a bigger right. Let me explain;




Why does this seemingly match made in heaven not work then? For a few simple reasons;

I don't like women who are heavy enough to crush me to death. Some modern jets weigh almost 20,000kg. Given how these chicks are half plane, we should be able to assume they would weigh at least 8000kg. If a girl like that so much as tripped and fell on me, I would be lucky if only my legs were irreperably shattered.

Strange unnatural parts growing out of people aren't hot. In Japan they might be attractive, but in the rest of the world, we call them tumors.

They're gas guzzlers. I'm presuming they would require fuel to power their non-organic parts. Given how I already spend like $50 a week on my fuel for my car, I don't even dare imagine how much you'd have to spend for a girl who's a fucking plane! Talk about expensive women, these bitches would need an entirely new class of high maintanence all to themselves!

Pray to God she doesn't roll in her sleep.

So yeah, that's why I don't like mecha musumes. I might still look into the Busou Shinki line, but I must point out that I really have no real fondness for this sub-genre.

Seriously Japan, I've always held out hope that you would one day come up with a fetish that's actually hot, but underaged loli robot girls?

What. The. Fuck.