Now don't worry, I've got some more substantive posts right round the corner that I just need to touch up on a little more before posting. In the meantime however, feel free to masturbate violently to Baron Ashura. I know I would.
It's alright if you want to start touching yourself. I understand.
I must admit, this was a difficult review to write. When I first sat down in front of my computer, I stared blankly at the screen for several minutes, unable to articulate any thoughts on K-On now that I have effectively seen the whole series (minus the bonus episode).
After some further moments of unproductive pondering, I decided to reread my original first impressions of the series to try kick start this review. It was here when I finally came to realize exactly why I was having trouble writing; pretty much everything I would have wanted to write after seeing 12 episodes of K-On, were already addressed in my first impression which was written after seeing a total of 3 episodes.
If you're too lazy to read the whole post, just look at this picture. It's K-On! in a nutshell.
This I believe, is indicative of exactly what K-On has been as a series; tired, uninspired and derivative. It relies on its moe appeal to such an extent that any other matter of substance is sacrificed.
STORY The 'story' revolves around Yui, a special needs child, who in a tragic case of irony, is an essential member of the school music club, as without her, the club would have an insufficient number of members and would be thus forced to close down. What follows are the ever vain endeavors of the other band members who must teach Yui how to play the guitar. A task made ever more insurmountable given the fact that Yui's musical talents rival her prodigious intellect.
Truly, Yui is the greatest mind of her generation.
Or that's what Kyoani wants us to think the 'story' is about anyway.
However, by 'story', K-On means a bunch of moe blobs who play music. And by play music, I mean sit around and eat cake.
This picture encapsulates the entirety of Yui's relationships with...everyone.
That's about it really. Oh, and they go on training camps at a beach side house twice in the series. Where exactly the same things happen with the same jokes.
Abandon hope, all ye who enter.
YuiHirasawa The main character. Suffers from mild mental retardation; a possible first for lead characters in anime. The band's guitar player...technically. Is meant to be the moe moe character due to her airheaded personality, but in a cruel case of life imitating art, Mio appears to be perceived as moe by the general audience, thus proving Yui truly can't get anything right. Is possibly a lesbian.
Not even Johannes Krauserwants to rape that.
Mio Akiyama For reasons I will never understand, the popular favourite amongst viewers. Mio is a moeblob amongst moeblobs. She actually has no real personality of her own, and instead simply acts in whatever way will provide the most moe reaction from the audience. Is possibly a lesbian.
Mio teaching her protege how its done.
Truly she is an original and interesting character!
Ritsu Tainaka The band's drummer, Ritsu generally provides the slapstick comedy relief. However, she seems to hide a darker personality, given her propensity to lie and manipulate in order to get what she wants, as evidenced in her recruitment of Tsumugi in episode 1. Because of her amorality, she is far and away my favourite character. Is possibly a lesbian.
Ritsu has had enough of your shit!
We lie, we cheat, we steal!
Tsumugi Kotobuki The pianist and token rich girl. Apparently, she exists in this show. She seems to be woefully ignorant of the outside world, leading one to ponder what kind of depraved childhood she must have endured. She generally buys the friendship of others with cake. Is possibly a lesbian.
Tsumugi making friends the only way she knows how.
Sawako Yamanaka The music teacher and club manager of the titular light music club. Starts out as a hilarious character suffering an early midlife crisis and on the verge of a mental breakdown, but gradually gets reduced to a pedophile who stalks the girls and forces them to dress up in fetish clothes. Is possibly a lesbian.
Sawako, when she was cool. Which was for about 5 minutes.
Sawako, for the rest of the series. Oh how the mighty do fall.
Azusa Nakano Mio, but even more underage. Regularly dons cat ears for the bestiality fetishists. The frequent target of Yui's girl crush. Is possibly a lesbian.
Ooh lookey! It's Mio with cat ears!
Mini-Mio makes Yui horny.
UiHirasawa Yui's far more intelligent, mature and independent younger sister. Tries to steal her sister's identity in one episode, presumably since Yui got a larger share of the inheritance. Is possibly an incestuous lesbian.
Don't do it Yui! She'll ensnare you with her sexuality!
And then steal your name, your friends and your life!
Look, it's KyoAni, the people behind Haruhi Suzumiya, what do you expect but top quality shit?
Sadly, no amount of money could afford Tsumugi new eyebrows.
So yeah, it's typical KyoAni obsessive attention to detail, fluid animation, and muted yet somehow vibrant colours.
Come play with us Yui. Forever and ever and ever.
Personally though, I preferred the more serious animation of Haruhi Suzumiya. In contrast, K-On! is more cartoony, with movements sometimes resembling Western Saturday morning cartoons, as well as liberal use of chibis and funny looking faces.
Yui's mere presence is soul crushing.
To be fair however, it suits the general feel of K-On!, it's just not my cup of tea.
Those of you who have read my original first impression will notice that half of this review is a word for word copy of my earlier post. There are two reasons for this. For one, I am a lazy bastard. And as I've said earlier, my prior post had addressed pretty much everything I already had to say.
And this is one of the biggest reasons why K-On is a giant piece of pigshit; watching a few episodes of it will give you a shockingly accurate idea of K-On as an entire series.
Even as a child, Yui had difficulty with even the most basic of concepts. Such as standing straight.
Characters do not develop, personalities do not change and jokes are constantly reused. So in the end, what you get is a shitty anime, with a shitty story and shitty characters, which tries its utmost best to stay shitty.
Walk away Yui. Never come back.
Also, Yui's clumsiness and silliness is way, way overdone. I'm presuming it's meant to be cute, but it's not. It's just bloody annoying. Every time we're forced to endure Yui's antics, I feel nothing but the unquenchable desire to reach into the screen and punch Yui in the face. And then kick her. Continuously. For about an hour.
Another reason why Ritsu is my favourite character.
And seriously, Mio AND Azusa? Really Kyoani? One moeblob devoid of personality wasn't enough? You had to have TWO in a single show? What the hell? How many goddamn pedophiles are there that watch this show that you needed two underage dolls to appeal to all of them?
No Yui. Not even chibi can make me not hate you.
Anyway, for those of you who are regular readers of Taikutsu Remedy, my hatred of K-On and moe in general should be well known. And so the argument can be raised that K-On is simply not my cup of tea, and I might as well go watch something I enjoy rather then spend time hating on K-On.
Trust me, I would if this thing was not so bloody popular.
Sawako wants you to wear the frilly maid dress!
The problem lies in the fact that K-On sells. Moe sells. No show save perhaps Lucky Star has legitimized derirative moe as a viable business venture as resoundingly as K-On, and as a person who enjoys shows that aren't total shit, this obviously worries me.
Sometimes they even play music!
Despite what some may argue, anime is not an artistic venture; it is first and formost a for-profit industry. Therefore, what sells well becomes the templete for the shows to come; and if low quality crap like this sells, studios will be all to happy to profit from mediocrity. K-On, has shamelessly opened the provorbial floodgates, creating extremly persuasive precedent for other studios to follow the path of shitty but profitable moe fluff.
Mio watches you while you sleep.
Kyoani, you can do better then this. Whilst I'm not much of a Haruhi fan, I can objectively say that it is a very good show. Even K-On had brief moments of brilliance; from genuinely witty jokes to inspired directing. But these moments were brief and fleeting. For the most part, you were perfectly content to take the easy path and substitute wit for tired jokes such as Mio getting freaked out or Azusa being moe.
Sawako, upon realizing her fate to forever be a one dimensional character.
Shame on you, Kyoani. You have creativity and talent to be so much more, yet you rather settle for rubbish. You are not some third rate studio, you are Kyoto Animation. You have supperbly talented directors. You have meticulous and skillful animators. Yet despite all these gifts, you'd rather produce derivative crap that does nothing but stiffle creativity in anime.
So the overly anticipated finale of K-On finally aired a few days back. Honestly, I'm rather surprised that I watched this shit all the way till the end. But if there's one thing that I thoroughly derive pleasure from, it's watching crap from start to finish so I can take the piss out of it later.
Anyways, in a move that surprised exactly no one, Kyoani decided to end K-On on the big school music fest, where the band played some bullshit songs about fluffiness and ballpens or some shit. Sorry Kyoani, but if you really wanted to impress me, the girls would have played this:
So that's it for now, expect a comprehensive, unbiased review of K-On in a few days where I shall list out all the reasons why K-On was the worst piece of pig shit that's ever been broadcast- uh, I mean, provide an objective analysis of the many merits of this anime and rate it accordingly, yeah.
So I recently moved my figures around, and decided I'd enact my own version of Super Robot Wars, only this time with more schoolgirls. So then I figured that I'd share some pictures with you all. Also, apologies for the shitastic photos; auto shoot, no flash, and plain white background don't mesh well with each other.
One of my favourites; TengenToppaGurrenLagannGiga Drill Breaking Haruhi.
More GurrenLagann madness with GurrenLagann and Lazengann engaged in an epic battle of dicks-uh, I mean drills.
Tsuruya making Shinji her bitch.
Optimus taking the Matrix of Leadership back from that little bitch, Rodimus.
Did I ever mention that Optimus is a colossalbadass?
Yuki. Guitar. Awesome.
Hayate, seeing more action then she ever did in StrikerS.
There can only be one true Rei.
Dix-NeufInazuma Kicking Megatron. Because that's obviously what happens in Diebuster.
Ladies, gentlemen, friends all, I will not lie to you; the situation is grave. The Dark Tide shows no sign of stopping. Many believe that the end times are upon us, and that resistance is futile. All our courage, all our strength, all our determination, they are swept aside by the Dread Tendrils of Moe. And so, it is argued, that rather than fight in vain, we should lay down our arms, surrender and embrace the despotic dominion of moe.
No! A thousand times, NO!
Brethren! We are few! We are surrounded! And we grow weary! BUT! We are still strong! Our hearts remain resolute! Our Savior still stands with us!
And therefore friends, we shall fight.
There was a time, spoken in legends long ago, where our people roamed freely, free from the dominion of Moe.
These times were known as the Golden Age.
But then, came the Dark Times, when from the shadows crept the Dread Tendrils of Moe, their sickening appendages slowly enveloping us, devouring us, till but a few of us were left.
It is difficult to pinpoint the exact beginning of the Dark Ages. Some believe that the early to mid 90s were the start of the End Times, where the dread forces of Moe rose from the shadows, led by their Avatar and prototype, Rei Ayanami. Others believe it was yet earlier, even in the 80s, when the darkness of Moe first began washing over the lands.
Nevertheless, what is clear however is that this assault that we are besieged by has been a war many years in the making. This was a war that has seen many casualties, and doubtless more will follow.
But! Hope is not lost dear friends!
Once there was a time when we were free of the shackles of Moe! One day, we shall be free again! The coming of the New Age is upon us! Gather friends! Gather under this banner of MAN! We shall stand firm, we shall fight! And together, we shall overcome the Darkness, and witness the Dawn.
And so dear friends, on this day, in this place, I make this pledge most solemn:
I, Snark, shall outlast Moe!
I know not when the day shall come when we savor final victory over the dark tides of Moe. But I promise you, until that day comes, I shall blog, and I shall keep blogging, until the war is won!
Hear me, Moe! I care not how many more years your forces continue to dominate the anime industry! I care not how many of my friends and compatriots you kidnap and brainwash! I care not how many derivative shows with no actual appeal aside from four moeblobs playing instruments I will have to endure! I. WILL. OUTLAST. YOU.
And so begins my solemn pledge. Until the day when Moe is no more, Taikutsu Remedy shall stand at the forefront of this battle. And we shall blog against your darkness, until the light of the new day shines upon us.
In correspondence with the coming movie about the life and times of Taikutsu Remedy, here is the soundtrack that shall accompany what will surely be the zenith of cinematic creative expression.
We would also like to take this moment to extend our guarantee to you that listening to this soundtrack in full will cause your dick to grow at least two inches. This guarantee also extends to women.
There. Doesn't your dick feel longer and more powerful already?
As an aside, if anyone is wondering why my post haven't been as lengthy as of late, it's because I'm in the midst of exam week. Today I just finished my advertising and promotions (bullshit) exam, tomorrow I've got property law (Sir William Blackstone is sex), strategic marketing (bullshit with theory) day after, and next week I've got public relations (more bullshit) and law of equity (law for douchbags).
A word of advice; if you want to have any form of life outside the confines of either home or university, stay the hell away from doing a double degree course of law and commerce. In fact, just stay the hell away from law; it's shit.
Now stop reading this and go listen to my soundtrack again. You could use a few more inches.
Gainax, a studio which my opinions on are well documented on this blog and Seiji Mizushima, director of such happy fluff pieces as Full Metal Alchemist and Mobile Suit Gundam 00 are teaming up to create an anime that will surely be the magnum opus of both parties.
I speak of course of Hanamaru Kindergarten, which will surely be a ground breaking journey into the human psyche. With deep, insightful philosphy instersperced with manly battles of epic proportions.
Below are scans of the manga, which will surely provide us with an accurate representation of what to expect of the coming anime.
Not too long ago, I listed my five picks for my personal harem. Upon retrospect, five is a rather lonely number, so here are a few more girls to keep each other company.
NoaIzumi The original five girls were mainly pilots of the super robot variety, so in other to balance it out, I figured another spot should be held by a real robot girl. And you don't get more real then Patlabor, and you don't get more Patlabor then Noa. As a nice bonus, being a police officer, Nod would be able to get us a parking spot pretty much anywhere.
Noa - Making otaku tomboy sexy since 1988
Guian Tees Easily my favourite minor character in any series (bonus points if you can guess where she's from). Guian shares similarities with Subaru in that neither of them have a giant robot to call their own. She makes up for this however, with the ability to summon giant monsters to do her bidding. Also, she's got a laser sword or some shit.
Oh poor Guian, you were too beautiful for your 5 minutes of total screen time.
As was your monster, with his 20 seconds of screen time.
KuraraTachibana The second half of my harems policewomen duo, Kurara is the cocky pilot of the Nova Liger. Also, if my girls ever figure out a way for their bots to combine, we're gonna need someone with experience in piloting giant robot feet.
She also has no qualms with firing her gun, which may or may not be a good thing...
KusuhaMizuha After much deliberation, I finally came to the decision that I would go against principle and allow a shy, moemoe girl a spot on my harem. There are however, visual clues in her picture that may hint as to my reasoning for her inclusion, though I expect only the most observant of you to pick it up...
Now if only there was a giant hand that could point us towards the aforementioned clue...