Friday, December 26, 2008


So I've been in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for the holidays, and managed to go to a anime convention called Comic Fiesta which was held on the 20th and 21st.

Sadly, I forgot to bring my camera on both days, and will thus have to deprive you of the plethora of masturbation inducing photos I surely would have taken.

Instead, let me present you with pictures of the cool shit I bought.

In terms of figures, these two now adorn my room;

L Nendoroid. I'm not a fan of Deathnote, but that nendoroid L was too fucking awesome to not buy.

Yuki Nagato (wizard ver.) Figma. That guiter sold it, seriously.

I also managed to snag a couple of posters. Haven't hung them anywhere yet, but I will...eventually.

Ryu and Sakura poster to the left, and an awesome guitar swinging FLCL poster to the right.

Being a bit of a bookworm (of the sexy variety), I did not pass up on the oppertunity to get a few more bookmarks. Sadly, I may have gone slightly overboard.

These poor orphaned bookmarks need a new book to call home. Can you help them?

This Fuuka Yamagishi bookmark is the only one in use at the moment. And for those interested, that book she's in is fairly typical of the shit I read.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Spirit of Christmas

If a red clad trespasser just had to break into my house via the chimney, I'd rather it be one of these chicks.

Distinguished friends and colleagues, the Spirit of Christmas is in danger of being forgotten. And this isn't one of those phony dangers like global warming or terrorist plots, this danger is very, very real.

More then ever, people are seeing Christmas in a different light; they see it less as a time of excess and indulgence, and more of an opportunity for remembrance and appreciation. This is manifested in various ways; be it visiting family, friends, or for the religiously inclined, honoring the birth of a man who may or may not be the savior of all mankind.

This all must stop now!

What happened to the golden age of Christmas? That of unashamed materialism? The times when we would rush across the shopping centres on a last minute shopping spree, desperately trying to find cheap gifts for people we couldn't give a rat's ass about?

What happened to the times when we would eagerly await to receive all our heart's desires, only to have our hopes dashed upon the relization that the gifts we received were just as worthless as the gifts we gave?

What has happened to those happy days my friends? What has happened?

Thus dear friends, I shall fight the good fight. I shall celebrate this Christmas the way it was always meant to be celebrated; unashamebly materialistic.

Oh, and before I forget; Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

On the Dread Tendrils of Moe

Dear friends and colleagues, the world is in a dire state. As we speak, an enemy ruthless beyond measure, cunning beyond compare and evil beyond comprehension is encircling us, trapping us. Slowly but surely, this enemy will ensnare us in it's dread tendrils, choking the life out of us.

And as the light in our eyes begin to dim, the last visage we will have on this once blue earth, shall be a featureless darkness, as the world is buried in an inescapable sepulcher of evil.

I speak of course, of the encroaching evils of Moe.

Already the forces of Moe are hard at work, weakening our defenses, slowly tearing us apart at the seems. We do not notice it, but one day, our very foundations will be so cracked and fragile that we will be unable to withstand the inevitable coup de grace. And on that day, all hope shall be vanquished, crushed beneath the heels of Moe.

A Dread Agent of Moe.

Even today, we can see the sinister yet subtle tapestry of their works. The action manga, which was once the bastion of manly men and bulging muscles, has now become host to girly looking bishounen who inexplicably carry giant greatswords which are twice their size and several times their weight.

Yet more frightening however, is the systematic eradication of the action girl. A rare species to begin with, the action girl now faces imminent extinction before the Evils of Moe.

In times of yore, hypercompetent women warriors once happily roamed the fields of anime, overcoming obstacles with deadly brawns and all knowing brains without ever breaking a sweat.

Now, they have been replaced by frightful horrors with teary, sourcer pan sized eyes, squeaky voices, childlike innocence, and an inability to even walk to the local supermarket without immediately been kidnapped by the nearest antagonist.

Truly my friends, the situation is far more dire then we imagined.

The bubbles that seek to tear apart the vary fabric of humanity.

In order to combat this greatest of Evils, I have assembled a team, based on that greatest of heroic teams, the Planeteers.

The greatest team of all time.

Only through the courage and bravery of these five heroes will we have a chance against the dark forces of Moe. My friends, allow me to present to you the strongest, most badass and manliest team in all of existence. Let me present to you, the five most manly men on the planet. Let me present to you, the MANeteers.

An elite squadron who shall combat the idealized Japanese vision of girliness with their incomparable masculinity, the MANeteers are our last defence against this evil before us.

Where there is cuteness, they shall fight with MANliness. Where there is helplessness, they fight with MANliness. Where there is possessive desire, they shall fight with MANliness.

Behold. The MANeteers.

Name: Luca Blight
Series: Suikoden II
MAN Power: Unkilleble

First up for team MANeteer is Luca Blight. The insane, unstoppable highland prince with more then a thirst for blood. Luca Blight is so damned powerful, the man could take on an entire battalion on his own and still be laughing by the end of it. But even greater then his MANly strength is his utter inability to die.

Through the game, this guy causes the heroes to piss in their pants time after time, and when the good guys finally get the edge on him (through the very unMANly method of an ambush), it takes multiple barrages of arrows, three assaults by 18 of the player's strongest warriors, and a one on one duel with the hero himself, before Luca Blight finally succumbs to death, still laughing.

In the uncut version of Suikoden II, Luca later dug out of his grave, killed the hero, and fucked his girlfriend.

Name: Minato Arisato
Series: Persona 3
MAN Power: Love Doctor

In contrast to Luca Blight, poor little Minato is seriously lacking in the MANly physique department. However, for what he lacks in MANly strength, he makes up for by being the very pinnacle of MANly romantic prowess.

Through the course of a single year, he gets like seven girls to proclaim their undying love for him. Seven! Fucking seven! Oh, and he beds them too.

Even more amazing is that amongst his romantic conquests is a robot girl. So attractive is he, that not even the seemingly insurmountable barrier of biological incompatibility can prevent women from loving this MAN. For that reason, he is a proud member of the MANeteers.

Behind that girly body and dumb haircut is a Guru of Love.

Name: Generic Hentai Protaganist
Series: Nearly every eroge ever made
MAN Power: Sexual Omnipotence

The Yin to Minato's Yang; whilst the later focuses his efforts on emotional romantic relationships, the Generic Hentai Protagonist just wants to get laid. At least eight times a day. Not to mention a further twelve times per night.

Featured in nearly every eroge ever made, his face is always obscured, presumably to allow the player to pretend he is in the protagonist's shoes. But behind that boring persona, is an insatiable sex machine.

If any person in a 100 km range of the Generic Hentai Protaganist has a vagina, chances are he's fucked her. Thrice. With at least one time in public.

He's also fucked dickgirls and other dudes. Proving that a real MAN likes to experiment.

After this he's going to fuck their sister. Then their mother. Then their sister's best friend. Then their sister's best friend's teacher. Then some random chick. Then their sister again.

Name: Lezard Valeth
Series: Valkyrie Profile
MAN Power: Not Giving a Fuck

The seemingly geeky looking Lezard hardly seems like a proud and MANly member of the MANeteers. But like Minato, behind his less then impressive looks, is a fountain of MANliness.

For those of you who have not played Valkyrie Profile, I will not spoil it's rich story. Suffice to say however, Lezard fucks with Gods in order to fuck a God. Seriously, he doesn't care who the fuck you are. If you get in the way of his divine pussy, he's gonna fuck you up.

And if that wasn't enough, it takes serious MANballs (more MANly then regular balls) to walk around looking like a 30 year old Harry Potter cosplayer.

He's gonna fuck you up, Potter!

And finally, the MANliest of all men, the leader of the MANeteers. The incomparably MANly...KAMINA!

Name: Kamina
Series: Gurren Lagann
MAN Power: MANliest of all MEN

Kamina. The great Kamina. An entire thesis could be written simply about his MANliness. Sadly, I have neither the time nor resolve to do such.

To quickly summarise his MANliness however, let's just say that if he were standing in a room, every other man would spontaneously turn into women, so that the universe doesn't implode due to an overabundance of MANliness.

And God created Adam, and it was good. And God said, "Let there be a companion to this creature, so that he may care and look after her, and leave her in awe of his awesomeness. Let there be MAN," and so created Kamina to be a companion to the woman, Adam. And it was good.

And thus is the elite squadron known as the MANeteers. Pray my friends, pray that their combined masculinity will prove a strong enough aegis against the wave of Moe that threatens to wash over this land. It will be a difficult battle. One from which few of us might ever return. But it is a battle that must be fought. Must be won.

Or else all is lost.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Third - Aoi Hitomi no Shoujo, First Impressions

To get the ball rolling once again, I thought I'd talk a little about a new anime I've found; the fantastically named, The Third - Aoi Hitomi no Shoujo (which according to the infinite wisdom of Wikipedia means 'The Girl with the Blue Eye').

Released back in 06, The Third follows the adventures of Honoka, a young, seemingly homeless, sword swinging adventurer who lives in a giant tank, piloted by her awesomely named robot friend, Bogie.

I've only seen the pilot episode, and thus it's still far to early to comment on the overall quality of the anime. Nonetheless, here's what I think of it so far.



So far, there's not been much of a hint on the greater story yet. We do know however that some vaguely defined catastrophe occurred, killed 4/5ths of the human population and fucked the earth up the ass so hard that almost its entire surface has become an inhabitable wasteland.

Also, there was the generic Ominous Evil Council at the start of the episode, whose cryptic discussion included someone called The Third, which is probably where this anime got it's dumbass name from.

Like every other Evil Council of Doom, they had to cut the budget on the lighting; having spent it all on Cryptic Vagueness.

The setting might prove to be rather interesting if it's executed well; it's a bit of your typical post apocalyptic world with vast stretches of desert. However, the anime has yet to explore how the people live and interact with this world.

From what little the first episode has shown however, it appears that there are some remnants of civilisation that are gathered in cities, which with all things considered, are strangely comfortable looking for a post doomsday world.

Floating disembodied heads; a common sight out in the desert.


The character designs are rather reminiscent of older animes. To be honest, when I first saw the dvd cover for The Third, I honestly believed it was a lesser known title from the late 90s. Personally, I'm not particularly fond of the characters; they seem overly simplistic and uninspired, in particular the heroine Honoka, who looks like the kind of amateur designs I sketch on the margins of my university notebooks.

Like the character designs, the animation seems to be rather...mixed. Whilst the fight scenes are beautifully animated (though rather lazy; most of them just involve Honoka swinging her sword, the screen flashing, and baddies dropping dead), other sections are so mindfuckingly poorly animated, I must wonder if the animators were high while working on them.

Quality animation!

Thankfully, the backgrounds are consistently well designed and drawn. Unlike the other aspects of the show, I can sit back and enjoy the scenery without wondering to myself if someone had to sleep with their bosses not to get fired for their lackluster work.


Fucking lazy.

Back to being awesome.


The main character, not much is known about her yet except that she's a mercenary or something, she's fucking good with swords, and she lives in a tank, which is quiet possibly the coolest house in the history of media.

Behold the singlet of heroism!

Honoka's little robot partner/stalker with a crazy deep voice and a name so stupid, it's awesome. Serves as the show's narrator by talking to himself about recent events, thus proving robots can also go insane.

One day, I shall name my first son Bogie.

Awesome name aside, Bogie is fucking creepy.

Toy Joey
Pathetic little mechanic with an insurmountably dumb name. Has a crush on Honoka.

I feel sorry for this man. I honestly feel sorry for a fictional character. That's how fucking retarded his name is.

Freakishly tall man with a plastic smile, and inhuman, soulless eyes. The guy smiles all the freakin time. ALL. THE. TIME. Oh, and he has some mysterious power to heal people. Honoka also seems to want to get into his pants; the girl's got horrible taste in men. Seriously, I'd sooner do Toy.

Goddammit girl, if you're gonna be into men like him, you'd be better off being a virgin the whole of your life.

You were just nearly killed! STOP FUCKING SMILING!


To be honest, The Third really feels like a half assed job to me. It's not bad, and it's got quite a few good things going for it, yet at the same time, the animation is haphazard and at times even lazy, and the characters seem like little more then stock anime archetypes.

Honoka's sightseeing trip proved to be a colossal waste of money when she found out the resort looked nothing like it did on the ad.

Of course, it's still far too early to call, so here's hoping that The Third picks up. In the meantime, I'm going to wonder why the fuck no one mentioned that The Third, Bogie, and Toy Joey are all mindbangingly stupid names.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Holy shit it's been a while

To like the two people who might care; don't worry, I'm not dead. It's just that I've finally got off my ass and started to watch the West Wing after years of promising myself I'd watch it eventually.

I am fucking addicted to it.


I watched seven fucking episodes yesterday.

And five the day before.

Now if only West Wing was an anime; I'd be updating this blog several times a day.

Anyways, hopefully I'll get back to regular updating soon. Till then, take comfort in the knowledge that I masturbate to this: