I feel guilty for liking Masami Obari

It's no secret that I've largely left the anime fandom due to the overwhelming torrent of mediocrity that has seeped out the industry in past years. In fact, with the exception of the upcoming Persona 4 adaptation, I really can't see myself returning to active participation in the fandom anytime soon.

Given how much I've moaned and groaned about the lack of quality in anime, I must admit, I feel some degree of hypocrisy when I utter the phrase, "Masami Obari is one of my favourite directors."

For those who don't know Mr. Obari, he is pretty much anime Michael Bay; he absolutely loves giant robots and the objectification of women, and he couldn't tell a coherent story to save his life. So, pretty much like the live action Transformer movies, but anime.

If you are unfamiliar with his work, he is the director of mecha anime such as Dancouga Nova and Gravion, both being shows ranking among my top 10 despite no objective merit of their own, as well as horrifying fetish pornography, such as Angel Blade, which Meimi once reviewed, much to her horror and disillusionment.

Obari is a rather strange chap. In the early 90s, he led a revolution in character design and action choreography, resulting in a sea of competitors. However, as these competitors made further strides of their own, Obari stayed with the style he created, ironically looking like an out of date copy in the process. In fact, certain shots have become so iconic of the man, that they appear in nearly every work he's done, almost to the point of self parody.

What truly defines him as a subpar director however, is his complete inability to tell a story. Often times, his works start with interesting plot premises, only to devolve into an incoherent mess with no satisfying resolution. In fact, if anybody can tell me that they made sense of the story of Super Robot Wars Original Generation: The Inspector, then you are a greater man than I.

So yeah, despite being nothing more than cheap fanservice for mecha fans, I love Obari's work. There's nothing of substance in them, but goddamn, are they fun.

And with that, maybe I should apologize to fans of moe. Like them, I too am guilty of loving stuff that is nothing more than vapid, unsubstantial trash. But then again, unlike moe, I can't get arrested for my trash. So no, guess I don't want to apologize to moetards.

I Hate Anime

This is rather embarrassing to admit, but I've finally come to the same realization that pretty much everyone must have had the first time they so much as looked at my blog; I hate anime.

Yes, this is an anime blog. And yes, I watch a metric crapton of anime.

Yet, this doesn't mean I actually like the stuff. No, what this means is that I've been lucky enough to find quite a few titles that don't make me want to smash a kitten's face in with a jackhammer.

I hate anime.

I hate those stupid saucer eyed moeblobs with shit for brains.

I hate those ridiculous 20 minute long porn commercials that pass for anime now.

I hate those filthy child molesters these shows are made for.

I hate the fact that every goddamn show is set in a highschool, again to cater to pedophiles.

I hate those spineless eunachs that constitute male leads in anime.

I hate the desperate, brainless sluts that inadvertently fall head over heals over said eunach.

I hate the entire harem genre in general.

I hate the fact said harem genre even has an audience.

I hate said audience of said harem genre.

I hate that moe is a genre unto itself now.

I hate the moe genre in general.

I hate the fact said moe genre even has an audience.

I hate said audience of said moe genre.

I hate that anime tries to present 13 year olds as sexy and desireble.

I hate that fans accept said 13 year olds as sexy and desireble.

I hate visual novels.

I hate the ridiculous number of visual novel adaptations there are.

I hate all the stupid fads anime fans get sweeped up in, from Haruhi to whatever crap Key is producing at the moment.

I hate that people still haven't realized K-On is a mindnumbing piece of shit.

I hate tsundere.

I hate that entire personalities can be defined in a single word.

I hate that said flat personalities are somehow considered good, or even prefereble.

I hate the idiots who like said flat personalities.

I hate that anime has devolved into an industry that caters to retards, shut-ins and pedophiles.

I hate anime.

Why Super Robots are superior to Moe

So I was browsing through the anime bloggosphere when I came across Colony Drop's article on moe. It was a pretty interesting read, but what really caught my attention was the resulting flame war in the comments section.

One thing I noted, was this seeming argument between fans of Manly anime and fans of pedophilic anime, with both accusing the other of shitty tastes for a variety of reasons.

I would like to say that the arguments of both sides are superfluous.

This is not to say that I side with neither one of them; Manly anime is infinitely superior to moe.

However, all the reasons given by it's supporters are ill conceived. The reason why Manly anime is better then moe is so simple, it can be articulated with but a few pictures to illustrate two hypothetical scenarios. So here are the two scenarios, one involving a fan of Manly anime, and one involving a pedophile.

Manly Anime:



Moe Anime:





Anyway, apologies for yet another filler post, I've been having exams for the past two weeks, and literally a day after my last exam, I got hit by a bout of the flu, so as you'd imagine, I'm pretty tired (and still sick). Expect regular posts to return soon, I've got reviews of the Big O and the Girl who leapt through Time coming up, amongst other things.

I Endorse Meimi132

There are many great bloggers out in the blogosphere. From Baka-Raptor's comic genius to Kodomut's adorable nendoroid photos, the anime blogosphere is brimming with talent.

There is however, one blogger, who stands head and shoulders above the rest. I speak of course, of the great Meimi132.

Recently, Meimi has entered a most noble endeavour. She has begun a journey, unmatched in scope or gravity. A journey of discovery, of exploration, of soul searching. A journey into the very essence of anime. This is her journey into porn.

Long have I feared that the Dread Tendrils of Moe would envelop the lands, leaving naught in its wake but disgusting, pedophilic childfuckers. But Meimi has risen up against the oppressors. She has shown us the way to the promised lands.

Across the vast sea of the internet, all are but quivering girl childs before her Manliness. By her grace alone, she banishes the darkness, and ushers a new dawn of non-pedophilic pornography. Come my friends, let us join her in her quest. Let us walk hand in hand with the Girl's Guide to Ecchi.

On the Dread Tendrils of Moe - The Great Moe Conspiracy

Ladies, gentlemen, friends, comrades all. It saddens me to be the bearer of grave news; several months after Taikutsu Remedy bravely declared war on moe, we have made little to no progress in this, the greatest battle for our survival.

The Dark Forces of Moe continue to encroach upon our lands. From our lonely battlements, the sun seems ever fainter. Soon, the Darkness of Moe shall envelop all. Yet, at our darkest hour, we have chanced upon a glimmer of hope.

Like a candle in the dark, it's light is small and fragile, yet even the tiniest flame can banish the darkness. My friends, we have uncovered the plans of our enemies; the Dread Forces of Moe.

We have long known that they sought to envelop and bind us in chains of moe bondage. But now, we know their battle plan; they seek to tear down the men of the world, so that we will be too weak to stand against their evil.

In a previous post of mine, I mentioned my love of Queen's Blade. To which Meimi replied;

"Of course you endorse it, why in gods name wouldn't you?! You're a guy!"

In response, I lamented that whilst I liked Queen's Blade, many men did not, despite the fact that it was practically tailored for a male audience. In fact, most man I talked to professed a preference for moe shows like K-On! and Saki over Queen's Blade.

It was then that I realized, this was the very evil of Moe made manifest!

For years, the Dread Tendrils of Moe have been hard at work, changing man. Brainwashing him. Where once the proud men of the human race would gladly flock to an anime about naked women fighting each other, they now instead focus their attention on underage girls acting cute and playing music.

The time of Man is gone. Now is the age of the pedophile.

And this, dear friends, is the Wretched Legacy of Moe.

We must rebuild my friends! Remember the Golden Age! Where anime did not sexualize little girls, but instead entranced viewers with the bouncing tits of busty, adult women! Remember the times where men were men, and women were also men!

My friends, we now know that moe seeks to destroy our very concept of manhood, and replace it with a false idol of its own design. And for too long have we played into their hands. But we shall do so no more! We must destroy the agents of moe! And upon their ashes shall we rebuild our Alter of Manliness.

Long live Queen's Blade!

Long live non-pedophilia!

Long live the Age of Man!

We.

Shall.

Rebuild.

(As an aside, I've got a new poll up on the top right. Feel free to vote)

Another reason why weak willed, submissive moeblobs suck

Regular readers of my blog know that I spend much time hating on moeblobs. Now I know not all moeblobs fall under this description, but I've found many of them to be passive, submissive girls who embody so called 'traditional feminine traits'. And to be brief, that character achtype has always pissed the shits out of me.

Well, in addition to being annoying and useless, it seems that being a passive little moebitch also leads to comparatively lower self esteem. A recent study* found that women who were tomboys in childhood generally enjoyed higher self esteem in adulthood as compared to women who spent their time pursuing more traditionally feminine ideals.

So there you have it. Another reason why being a moeblob sucks! So go, women of both the 2D and 3D worlds! Embrace your inner tomboy, and pierce the heavens with your drill!

* Michele Van Volkom, 'The Effects of Childhood Tomboyism and Family Experiences on the Self-Esteem of College Females' (2009) 43 College Student Journal 736

Toei has torn reality asunder

Now I know this isn't exactly breaking news, but Toei has recently launched the website for its latest project, a horrible amalgamation of super robots and moe.

For those unaware of this travesty, its called Toei Robot Girls, and is exactly what it sounds like; the many classic (and not so classic) super robots under Toei are now being turned into underage moeblobs.

Currently, three horrible Frankenstenien hellspawns have been unveiled;

Gai-Chan
Easily the most recognizable of the trio, Gai-Chan is based off Gaiking, who debuted in 1976 and saw a remake anime in 2005. She appears to be the leader of the group, given how she's probably the only one who someone under 30 would recognize.

Gacky
Based off 1976's Magnerobo Ga-Keen, she seems to be Gai-Chan's sidekick, or something. I dunno.

Bara-Tan
The moe anthropomorphism of the ludicrously ugly Baratack, Bara-Tan seems to kinda just stand around and look cute.

Never in my life have my very perception of reality, which was once so comforting and secure, been so utterly dismantled that all that is left are the crumbled remnants of a now forgotten facade, leaving me alone, cold and afraid.

Never before have I been wrecked to the very fiber of my being by a perversion so wretched, that it defies the very laws of physics; the union between manly super robots, my greatest love, and shitty moe, my wretched enemy.

Readers, friends, all, know this; I, Snark, no longer know what to think or what to believe. For the first time in my life, I have opened my eyes. And all I see is a vast darkness before me.

My perceptions of life, existence and the universe have been fundamentally altered. Every fact that I thought I knew must now be discarded. The very paradigm of life must be written anew. Now, as I stand at the crossroads of the universe, there is but one thing I know for sure; if these girls have the same attacks as their super robot counterparts, then Gai-chan's Face Open will be terrifying.

Enough with this moe shit!

Ladies, gentlemen, friends all, I will not lie to you; the situation is grave. The Dark Tide shows no sign of stopping. Many believe that the end times are upon us, and that resistance is futile. All our courage, all our strength, all our determination, they are swept aside by the Dread Tendrils of Moe. And so, it is argued, that rather than fight in vain, we should lay down our arms, surrender and embrace the despotic dominion of moe.

no.

No.

No! A thousand times, NO!

Brethren! We are few! We are surrounded! And we grow weary! BUT! We are still strong! Our hearts remain resolute! Our Savior still stands with us!

And therefore friends, we shall fight.

There was a time, spoken in legends long ago, where our people roamed freely, free from the dominion of Moe.

These times were known as the Golden Age.

But then, came the Dark Times, when from the shadows crept the Dread Tendrils of Moe, their sickening appendages slowly enveloping us, devouring us, till but a few of us were left.

It is difficult to pinpoint the exact beginning of the Dark Ages. Some believe that the early to mid 90s were the start of the End Times, where the dread forces of Moe rose from the shadows, led by their Avatar and prototype, Rei Ayanami. Others believe it was yet earlier, even in the 80s, when the darkness of Moe first began washing over the lands.

Nevertheless, what is clear however is that this assault that we are besieged by has been a war many years in the making. This was a war that has seen many casualties, and doubtless more will follow.

But! Hope is not lost dear friends!

Once there was a time when we were free of the shackles of Moe! One day, we shall be free again! The coming of the New Age is upon us! Gather friends! Gather under this banner of MAN! We shall stand firm, we shall fight! And together, we shall overcome the Darkness, and witness the Dawn.

And so dear friends, on this day, in this place, I make this pledge most solemn:

I, Snark, shall outlast Moe!

I know not when the day shall come when we savor final victory over the dark tides of Moe. But I promise you, until that day comes, I shall blog, and I shall keep blogging, until the war is won!

Hear me, Moe! I care not how many more years your forces continue to dominate the anime industry! I care not how many of my friends and compatriots you kidnap and brainwash! I care not how many derivative shows with no actual appeal aside from four moeblobs playing instruments I will have to endure! I. WILL. OUTLAST. YOU.

And so begins my solemn pledge. Until the day when Moe is no more, Taikutsu Remedy shall stand at the forefront of this battle. And we shall blog against your darkness, until the light of the new day shines upon us.

Bring it on.

Seriously, what's the deal with moe?

WHY. DO. YOU. EXIST!?

Frequent readers of my blog would be well acquainted with my unbridled hatred of moe. In fact, I have written several posts on how I believe we can best combat this phenomenon known as moe. However, those posts have generally been snarky and less then serious. This time however, I must ask with utmost sobriety; exactly what the fuck is so goddamned fucking appealing about moe???

Before the inevitable rant, I figured I'd introduce some context to this post; lately, I've been trying to get into Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu. And whilst the anime has been generally enjoyable, I just can't get over how incredibly moe the titular main character, Haruka is. And it pisses the shits out of me!

For every joke or amusing anime reference Nogizaku Haruka throws at me (the GaoGaiGar and Shana ones in ep 4 being particularly funny), I must subsequently endure Haruka's annoying moe tendencies such as her crippling shyness or her airheadedness. Please tell me, why the fuck do people find social or mental retardation appealing?

And this is not just Haruka, pretty much every goddamned moe character have traits that if a person possessed in real life, would compel me to punch them.

What the fuck is appealing about clumsiness? What the fuck is appealing about stupidity?? What the fuck is appealing about incompetence??? WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERY GODDAMNED ANIME FEEL THE NEED TO PUT A FUCKING MOE CHARACTER IN THE CAST!?

Now I know I sound angry, and trust me, I am; I am sick to fucking death with having good shows spoiled for me simply because I can no longer suppress my gag reflex everytime the goddamned moeblob pops on the screen. Nogizaka Haruka for one, will forever languish in the depths of my harddrive as the main character simply disgusts me too much.

Nonetheless, I must ask this most pertinent of questions; what is it about moe that is so fucking appealing? I make it no secret that I hold nothing but contempt for it, but I still want to know why other people like it. I will probably never agree with them, but at least I might come out with some understanding of how people could love that which I loathe most.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch some porn; rather then making me what to kill someone, the women in those merely make me want to masturbate.

On the Dread Tendrils of Moe #2

A while ago, I posted a message of great importance, called On the Dread Tendrils of Moe. In it, I detailed the ever expanding forces of moe, as well as revealing our last line of defense against them; the MANeteers. Furthermore, I mentioned that the MANeteers were modeled after that greatest of heroic teams, the Planeteers.

Today, I must tell you that the similarities run deeper then the mere fact that they are both amazingly awesome teams of awesome people. For you see, just like how the Planeteers may combine their individual powers to form a paragon of environmentalism, the MANateers can also do the same, only MANlier.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present to you humanities' greatest defender. The unmoveble aegis who stands fast against the overwhelming tide of moe that washes against us. The culmilation of all the MANly powers of the MANeteers. Allow me to present to you, The Anti-Moe.

Who is that incredibly MANly figure cloaked in the shadows!?

HOLY SHIT! IT'S ELLE FUCKING RAGU!

Surprised that the Anti-Moe, the embodiment of all that is MAN is in fact a woman? I do not blame you. But nonetheless, I assure you that Elle Ragu is indeed MAN enough to even outMAN even the MANly Kamina, whose MANliness is legend.

Elle partaking in the MANly pasttime of dressing as a barmaid.

Elle Ragu hails from the manga (and later anime) known as Shadow Skill. A super kickass fighter, she is known as the 59th Sevaar, a title bestowed only upon the mightiest of warriors.

Whilst the Shadow Skill anime came out in the mid 90's. Elle herself first appeared in MANga back in the late 80's. For those of you in the know, the 80's were a magical time; a golden age of anime and manga, where men were MEN and women were also MEN.

A woman so MANly she can actually make a technicolour battle aura look cool.

Adding to her MANliness, is the fact that Elle defies the stereotype of the typical action girl of anime. Unlike her unMANly counterparts, who somehow fight baddies despite having petite little bodies without an ounce of muscle, Elle is buff. She is fucking buff.

Exactly how buff is she?

She flexes her arm in order to shatter her armguard (to reveal her mark of the Sevaar). That's how fucking buff she is.

Yeah, bitch.

Honing all the various MANly powers of the MANateers, Elle Ragu becomes the Anti Moe, the living embodiment of all the is MAN. She is a MAN so steeped in the ways of MANliness, that her (metophorical) dick is so huge it actually has it's own noticeble field of gravity.

The mere mention of her name is enough to turn faceless hentai rapists into little girls.

Dear friends, she is our ultimate weapon. The very last line of defense against the dread tide of Moe that washes over this land. It is by her hand, and her hand alone that we are saved. With each glorious step, she marches our forces closer to victory. Under her banner, the seemingly unending night of Moe will give way to the dawn of MAN.

The blades of Moe crumbling before our saviour.

Behold dear friends. Behold our Messiah. The enemy is cute but deadly. Their numbers limitless. Their cruelty insurmountable. Yet Elle Ragu stands by our side. No matter how many of us fall before Moe. No matter how many of us are crushed beneath their heels. Elle Ragu will always stand by us. Believe my friends. Believe in she who believes in you. Believe in MAN.

Her (metophorical) drill will pierce the heavens.

On the Dread Tendrils of Moe

Dear friends and colleagues, the world is in a dire state. As we speak, an enemy ruthless beyond measure, cunning beyond compare and evil beyond comprehension is encircling us, trapping us. Slowly but surely, this enemy will ensnare us in it's dread tendrils, choking the life out of us.

And as the light in our eyes begin to dim, the last visage we will have on this once blue earth, shall be a featureless darkness, as the world is buried in an inescapable sepulcher of evil.

I speak of course, of the encroaching evils of Moe.

Already the forces of Moe are hard at work, weakening our defenses, slowly tearing us apart at the seems. We do not notice it, but one day, our very foundations will be so cracked and fragile that we will be unable to withstand the inevitable coup de grace. And on that day, all hope shall be vanquished, crushed beneath the heels of Moe.

A Dread Agent of Moe.

Even today, we can see the sinister yet subtle tapestry of their works. The action manga, which was once the bastion of manly men and bulging muscles, has now become host to girly looking bishounen who inexplicably carry giant greatswords which are twice their size and several times their weight.

Yet more frightening however, is the systematic eradication of the action girl. A rare species to begin with, the action girl now faces imminent extinction before the Evils of Moe.

In times of yore, hypercompetent women warriors once happily roamed the fields of anime, overcoming obstacles with deadly brawns and all knowing brains without ever breaking a sweat.

Now, they have been replaced by frightful horrors with teary, sourcer pan sized eyes, squeaky voices, childlike innocence, and an inability to even walk to the local supermarket without immediately been kidnapped by the nearest antagonist.

Truly my friends, the situation is far more dire then we imagined.

The bubbles that seek to tear apart the vary fabric of humanity.

In order to combat this greatest of Evils, I have assembled a team, based on that greatest of heroic teams, the Planeteers.

The greatest team of all time.

Only through the courage and bravery of these five heroes will we have a chance against the dark forces of Moe. My friends, allow me to present to you the strongest, most badass and manliest team in all of existence. Let me present to you, the five most manly men on the planet. Let me present to you, the MANeteers.

An elite squadron who shall combat the idealized Japanese vision of girliness with their incomparable masculinity, the MANeteers are our last defence against this evil before us.

Where there is cuteness, they shall fight with MANliness. Where there is helplessness, they fight with MANliness. Where there is possessive desire, they shall fight with MANliness.

Behold. The MANeteers.

Name: Luca Blight
Series: Suikoden II
MAN Power: Unkilleble

First up for team MANeteer is Luca Blight. The insane, unstoppable highland prince with more then a thirst for blood. Luca Blight is so damned powerful, the man could take on an entire battalion on his own and still be laughing by the end of it. But even greater then his MANly strength is his utter inability to die.

Through the game, this guy causes the heroes to piss in their pants time after time, and when the good guys finally get the edge on him (through the very unMANly method of an ambush), it takes multiple barrages of arrows, three assaults by 18 of the player's strongest warriors, and a one on one duel with the hero himself, before Luca Blight finally succumbs to death, still laughing.

In the uncut version of Suikoden II, Luca later dug out of his grave, killed the hero, and fucked his girlfriend.

Name: Minato Arisato
Series: Persona 3
MAN Power: Love Doctor

In contrast to Luca Blight, poor little Minato is seriously lacking in the MANly physique department. However, for what he lacks in MANly strength, he makes up for by being the very pinnacle of MANly romantic prowess.

Through the course of a single year, he gets like seven girls to proclaim their undying love for him. Seven! Fucking seven! Oh, and he beds them too.

Even more amazing is that amongst his romantic conquests is a robot girl. So attractive is he, that not even the seemingly insurmountable barrier of biological incompatibility can prevent women from loving this MAN. For that reason, he is a proud member of the MANeteers.

Behind that girly body and dumb haircut is a Guru of Love.

Name: Generic Hentai Protaganist
Series: Nearly every eroge ever made
MAN Power: Sexual Omnipotence

The Yin to Minato's Yang; whilst the later focuses his efforts on emotional romantic relationships, the Generic Hentai Protagonist just wants to get laid. At least eight times a day. Not to mention a further twelve times per night.

Featured in nearly every eroge ever made, his face is always obscured, presumably to allow the player to pretend he is in the protagonist's shoes. But behind that boring persona, is an insatiable sex machine.

If any person in a 100 km range of the Generic Hentai Protaganist has a vagina, chances are he's fucked her. Thrice. With at least one time in public.

He's also fucked dickgirls and other dudes. Proving that a real MAN likes to experiment.

After this he's going to fuck their sister. Then their mother. Then their sister's best friend. Then their sister's best friend's teacher. Then some random chick. Then their sister again.

Name: Lezard Valeth
Series: Valkyrie Profile
MAN Power: Not Giving a Fuck

The seemingly geeky looking Lezard hardly seems like a proud and MANly member of the MANeteers. But like Minato, behind his less then impressive looks, is a fountain of MANliness.

For those of you who have not played Valkyrie Profile, I will not spoil it's rich story. Suffice to say however, Lezard fucks with Gods in order to fuck a God. Seriously, he doesn't care who the fuck you are. If you get in the way of his divine pussy, he's gonna fuck you up.

And if that wasn't enough, it takes serious MANballs (more MANly then regular balls) to walk around looking like a 30 year old Harry Potter cosplayer.

He's gonna fuck you up, Potter!

And finally, the MANliest of all men, the leader of the MANeteers. The incomparably MANly...KAMINA!

Name: Kamina
Series: Gurren Lagann
MAN Power: MANliest of all MEN

Kamina. The great Kamina. An entire thesis could be written simply about his MANliness. Sadly, I have neither the time nor resolve to do such.

To quickly summarise his MANliness however, let's just say that if he were standing in a room, every other man would spontaneously turn into women, so that the universe doesn't implode due to an overabundance of MANliness.

And God created Adam, and it was good. And God said, "Let there be a companion to this creature, so that he may care and look after her, and leave her in awe of his awesomeness. Let there be MAN," and so created Kamina to be a companion to the woman, Adam. And it was good.

And thus is the elite squadron known as the MANeteers. Pray my friends, pray that their combined masculinity will prove a strong enough aegis against the wave of Moe that threatens to wash over this land. It will be a difficult battle. One from which few of us might ever return. But it is a battle that must be fought. Must be won.

Or else all is lost.