Thursday, February 26, 2009

Sora Kake Girl - First Impressions

I am a fan of many things. Amongst this diverse collection of things, are two that are particularly dear to me; tits and giant robots.

Sadly, despite my love of these two, they seem to be a rather bad mix. Super robot shows often stick women either in the kitchen or in stupid, weak and gimmicky 'support' robots (fuck you Godannar. And dare I say it; fuck you Mazinger), whereas in real robot shows, women seem to pilot giant robots for the sole purpose of dying (Code Geass, being a particularly egregious example).

Feminism, Japan needs you. Japan fucking needs you.

Itsuki showing what life as a woman in a real robot anime is like (she gets better though).

So when I heard about Sora Kake Girl, my hopes were lifted that I'd finally get my long awaited dose of tits in giant robots; without the pesky fear of women being relegated to either support or the morgue by virtue of the fact that the main character is female. So despite my initial reservations about a series that really didn't look all that inspired, I jumped straight into it.

The slightly disporpotionate guns didn't damper Akiha's enthusiasm.

Long story short; I've been very pleased with what I've seen so far.


Sora Kake Girl revolves around the adventures of Akiha, a cookie cutter average high school girl whose life is changed when she meets Leopard, a rogue AI that controls a wonderfully phalic space colony, who effectively forces her to go around collecting shit that will help him regain his full power.

The imagery speaks for itself.

The fact that the first object Akiha is sent to collect is Leopard's giant golden balls, which are used to power his Great Big Cannon should probably clue you in that this isn't the most serious of animes.

Giant balls...DOCK ON!

He's coming!!!!!!!!!!!!

And so in order to help her achieve this goal, Leopard gives Akiha the QT-Arms (the show's term for brightly coloured, badass, transforming giant robot), Starsylph, which is meant to be some old model from the war era. This being anime however, the fact that it's old and probably outdated simply means it's better then all the modern QT-Arms, what with their cutting edge technology and all that rubbish.

You have to look this stupid to ride a QT-Arms.

Oh, and he also gives Akiha a Golden Gun. It's full significance has yet to be revealed, but it's pretty powerful. And shiny.

Hey Leopard, James called. He wants his gun back and unpussified.

There's also a typical anime plot of some evil behind the shadows, including a bunch of evil dudes who wear cardboard boxes on their heads and some evil chick in a metal mask. However, they haven't been given all that much screen time yet, aside from vague foreshadowing here and there.

Child labour takes a disturbing twist.


Akiha Shishido
The main character. The middle child in a family of five sisters. Amazingly unremarkable. Has no real purpose in life, and takes great joy in giving speeches about how she has nothing to do with her life. I'm not joking. She does this EVERY. FUCKING. EPISODE.

Behold the pose of purposelessness.

Akiha's...something. Seriously, I have no fucking idea what her relationship with Akiha actually is. It's like she's her friend, maid and family pet all rolled into one. The only thing I'm certain of is that she has a hard-on for vehicles. Also, she rides a giant (relative to her) maid robot. The reveal of which was mind bangingly traumatic.

Every night, I see this sequence in my nightmares.

As well as this one.

What is she? She the maid? Pet? Friend? I can't fucking figure it out!

Itsuki Kannagi
A space detective trying to uncover the mysteries of Leopard. Also, (due to a plan of unrivalled stupidity) Akiha's classmate. The worst detective this side of the universe.

A policewoman in her mid twenties who needs to infiltrate a school...

...completely changes her appearence by...PUTTING ON A WIG! Such cunning!

Itsuki in a dominatrix costume, selling bondage meat. She's an ace detective alright.

Honoka Kawai
Strange, emotionless girl who lives in a box. Has magic powers. Also a ninja.

A man's box is his castle.

This woman needs a home. With just a small donation of $5 a month, you can help her have one.
The AI controlling a long forgotten space colony. A large ham of epic perportions. Is possibly the only anime character in recent history who would stand a chance if placed in a boxing match with Kamina. Also a self proclaimed tea meister. Easily the best character in the series.

Leopard > You
Nami Shishido
Akiha's sister. Hasn't done too much yet, but I'm willing to bet she's evil.

Gaze into those eyes of undiluted hate. And those golden pigtails of unsermountable evil. And that fluffy red ribbon of despotic dominion.

Kazane Shishido
The head of the Shishido family. Appears to have many behind the scenes connections. Akiha's oldest sister.

Ugh, I can't really think of a funny caption to write. I'm tired alright? Fuck you.

Itsuki's pet/partner/friend. Cooler, but just as incompetent as she is.

Their relationship is...kinky. Though slightly less then legal. Or safe.

Nina Stratoski
Itsuki's boss. Her hair's powers of gravity defiance equal those of the Dragonball boys.

By the mere fact that she can lift her head, Nina proves that she has the undisputebly strongest neck in the universe.

Mintao & Bougainvillea
Evil ninja hookers working for the police. Even more incompetent then Itsuki. Tied for my second favourite characters after Leopard.

Competence, thy name is Ninja.

Shigure Shinguji
The president of the absurdly powerful student council. Seems to be a bit of a womaniser. Very possibly evil.

A man who's confident around women. Which in anime-speak, means evil bastard.

Akira Mikagami
Secretary of the absurdly powerful student council. Also a ninja.

Fear our bishounen backlights.


The animation for the most part is crisp and pristine, and the colour palette is bright and lively. Whilst most scenes featuring the human characters are already well animated, the show really comes alive during the giant robot battles; where elaborate, fast-paced choreography comes together with some of the finest CG animation yet seen in anime to form immaculate fight scenes worthy of being called eye porn.

These screencaps do not do the show justice. There is no fucking justice.

Sadly, as I lack any formal study in animation, it is difficult for me to elaborate further on Sora Kake Girl's animation. So let's just leave it as being really good, especially when giant robots are involved.

The recent economic downturn meant cuts had to be made in the animation budget. The results were...noticeble.

Video games in the future had sadly regressed significantly.


Sora Kake Girl, despite it's cliche' looking characters and it's less then memorable mecha design, is one hell of a show. Leopard in particular is a constant spotlight thief with his campy overthetopness.

Cowboy BeBop at his computer.

I'm only on to episode 5 right now, but I've liked what I've seen so far. It might not reinvent the giant mecha genre, but it's a hell of a fun ride, and I'm gonna stick with it all the way through.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Congratulations, Seth and Gabby!

I am not a fan of mushy crap. However, sometimes life throws you moments which are so disgustingly heartwarming, that you have no choice but to hug it and say, "Awwww," regardless of how much it's annoyingly adorable cuddliness might spur you to acts of hatred and violence.

This is one such moment.

One of my closest friends, who I have known since high school, Seth Stallknect, has recently gotten engaged to his longtime girlfriend, Gabriel Luck; who coincidentally I also knew through DeviantArt.

Seth and Gaby, I know you're reading this. I know this because I am going to call you after I finish typing this, and tell you to read it. And now that I have your attention, I would like to extend my heartfelt congratulations to you two, and best wishes for your life together.

And for those of you who are not Seth and Gaby, who are wondering what the shit this all has to do with an anime blog; they are the one's who are responsible for getting me back into anime.

It was on their suggestion that I accompanied Seth, Gaby and two other friends to the Sydney 2008 Animania, which revived my interest in anime. Therefore, you can thank those two for the very existence of this blog.

So yeah, once again I would like to offer my best wishes to the two of you. Seth, I have known you for seven long years. And your love fills me with joyfulness of a giddy little girl. A little girl who will break your fucking kneecaps if she isn't made Best Man *hint hint*.

So to celebrate this moment, I will like to share with you some of my favourite anime couples. And I hope your love will be just as great as theirs;

Tsukasa and Subaru; everyones' favourite videogaming lesbians.

Haruhi and Tamaki; a love so deep he thinks he's her father.

Shinji and Rei, who is a clone of Shinki's dead mother. Thus being anime's first necro-incesteus couple.

And finally...the most romantic couple in all of anime...

Simon and his drill.

Seth and Gaby, may your love too pierce the heavens, do the impossible and throw reason to the curb.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Dear Japan - An Open Letter Regarding Mouse Pads

Dear Japan,

Please stop selling oppai mousepads.

For the uninformed, oppai mousepads are gimmicky mousepads where the wrist rest is shaped like a pair of tits.

This is quite possibly the single dumbest idea I have ever encountered.

End the Stupidity!

When I buy a mousepad, I want something simple that has a comfortable rest, and let's me use my mouse efficiently.

If I really wanted to spend money in order to enjoy the soft feel of breasts while I play my favourite FPS, I'd hire a hooker and rest my wrist on her tits while using my mouse.

Support your local hooker; help her put food on the table!


Friday, February 13, 2009

Dear Japan, An Open Letter Regarding the Sale of Pornography

Dear Japan,

Please enforce clear and rigid separation between your normal pornography and the fucked up shit.

I recently visited your fine country, and before long found myself in an adult comics store in Akihabara. There, I browsed through the store's wide and varied merchandise, admiring the fine quality of the adult entertainment in your country.

Until suddenly, I picked up what looked to be a perfectly innocent hentai manga. Only to notice the picture on the cover was that of a crying woman clutching her still bleeding chest as her freshly disembodied tits lay idly on the ground.



Now I understand people have all sorts of fucked up fetishes. I for one, masturbate to old re-runs of the West Wing. But that doesn't mean everyone else has to see what kind of messed up shit gets you off!

While exploring Akiba, I came across a store that according to my Japanese friend who was with me at the time, catered specifically to people with a muscle fetish.

Please take a page out of that store's book, and get specialised stores for all the wacked out shit people get aroused by.

When I browse through porn, I want to get a boner, not a permenant mental scar.

So please Japan, let's see two seperate stores for different kinds of pornography, one that caters to good, wholesome, family-friendly porn, and another that can also double up as a gas chamber.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

On the Dread Tendrils of Moe #2

A while ago, I posted a message of great importance, called On the Dread Tendrils of Moe. In it, I detailed the ever expanding forces of moe, as well as revealing our last line of defense against them; the MANeteers. Furthermore, I mentioned that the MANeteers were modeled after that greatest of heroic teams, the Planeteers.

Today, I must tell you that the similarities run deeper then the mere fact that they are both amazingly awesome teams of awesome people. For you see, just like how the Planeteers may combine their individual powers to form a paragon of environmentalism, the MANateers can also do the same, only MANlier.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present to you humanities' greatest defender. The unmoveble aegis who stands fast against the overwhelming tide of moe that washes against us. The culmilation of all the MANly powers of the MANeteers. Allow me to present to you, The Anti-Moe.

Who is that incredibly MANly figure cloaked in the shadows!?


Surprised that the Anti-Moe, the embodiment of all that is MAN is in fact a woman? I do not blame you. But nonetheless, I assure you that Elle Ragu is indeed MAN enough to even outMAN even the MANly Kamina, whose MANliness is legend.

Elle partaking in the MANly pasttime of dressing as a barmaid.

Elle Ragu hails from the manga (and later anime) known as Shadow Skill. A super kickass fighter, she is known as the 59th Sevaar, a title bestowed only upon the mightiest of warriors.

Whilst the Shadow Skill anime came out in the mid 90's. Elle herself first appeared in MANga back in the late 80's. For those of you in the know, the 80's were a magical time; a golden age of anime and manga, where men were MEN and women were also MEN.

A woman so MANly she can actually make a technicolour battle aura look cool.

Adding to her MANliness, is the fact that Elle defies the stereotype of the typical action girl of anime. Unlike her unMANly counterparts, who somehow fight baddies despite having petite little bodies without an ounce of muscle, Elle is buff. She is fucking buff.

Exactly how buff is she?

She flexes her arm in order to shatter her armguard (to reveal her mark of the Sevaar). That's how fucking buff she is.

Yeah, bitch.

Honing all the various MANly powers of the MANateers, Elle Ragu becomes the Anti Moe, the living embodiment of all the is MAN. She is a MAN so steeped in the ways of MANliness, that her (metophorical) dick is so huge it actually has it's own noticeble field of gravity.

The mere mention of her name is enough to turn faceless hentai rapists into little girls.

Dear friends, she is our ultimate weapon. The very last line of defense against the dread tide of Moe that washes over this land. It is by her hand, and her hand alone that we are saved. With each glorious step, she marches our forces closer to victory. Under her banner, the seemingly unending night of Moe will give way to the dawn of MAN.

The blades of Moe crumbling before our saviour.

Behold dear friends. Behold our Messiah. The enemy is cute but deadly. Their numbers limitless. Their cruelty insurmountable. Yet Elle Ragu stands by our side. No matter how many of us fall before Moe. No matter how many of us are crushed beneath their heels. Elle Ragu will always stand by us. Believe my friends. Believe in she who believes in you. Believe in MAN.

Her (metophorical) drill will pierce the heavens.